By - TheyreSnaps
That Ayesha chick. Sovereign don’t risk their own lives so she’s probably the least likely to kill an employee.
Not to mention the fact she was interested in “studying” the ways of Earth peoples reproduction rituals for “science”
i’m willing to take one for the team here and teach her our ways… to aid their pursuit of science and help them further understand our nature of course
I too would hump the pretty gold lady.
It would be interesting to see if they feel disappointment like earth women do.
Shortest scientific study ever.
No no sir trust me I can take one for the team. It is quite alright
It's seggs time
I was thinking similar about Vulture. Most of the rest of these villains killed at least one off their own on screen. Vulture seems like a very relatable boss that I’ve probably had at some point back in college - do illegal things but only to screw the man and make a buck!
Vulture did kill old Shocker though lol
So... Just don't piss him off I guess?
On accident, he thought it was a stun gun.
And like, the guy threatened his wife and child with violence. So…
I mean yeah. But he didn't seem particularly cut up when it happened lol
Oh yea. I guess no henchman is truly safe!
Or more specifically, don't blackmail him lol
Also employees get to play arcade shooters
I agree. Of those pictures she and Mbaku (I don't consider him a villain) would be the least likely to use their followers as canon fodder.
Yeah might be some benefits to that, but they did treat GotG as less-than and tried to kill them!
Well, we are picking bad guys to work for here. I’m looking out for me first.
Are they even bad guys? The Guardians robbed them and they wanted their shit back
Villains? No (or at least not yet).
Exactly! And why is OP missing the point of his own post?
The point barely matters. OP is karma farming.
In that sense is every post on reddit karma farming? It prompts a valid discussion and isnt a stupid overused meme.
I'm going with Ayesha because thus far her henches survive.
Plus, I can teach her the reproductive ways of the people of the earth. For research purposes obviously.
Zemo. I think it would have the best benefits and work-life balance. As crazy as he is I still feel that he "gets" it.
*He's out of line, but he's right*
He built a family, lost them; in the comics he built a team, dude just wants some company. Definitely choosing Zemo
Look how well he treats his butler!
And the dude can dance!
M'Baku isn't a villain!
Seriously. I'll work for M'Baku since he ISN'T a villain
Same, assuming he'd accept me being a foreigner and a white dude but he seems a decent fellow
I'd assume not, he may not kill you, but I think he probably won't let you live in his nation without a good reason/excuse. Bucky only got to live in Wakandan Land because T'Challa probably felt guilty that he almost wrongly killed him for his father's death and additionally as a favor to Steve.
and M'Baku seems very much like a very conservative Wakandan, considering how much he disliked Shuri.
Yeah I feel like the fact I'm an American might get....weird given how t'challa and his family treated martin freeman character until he proved himself. But if I'm there might as well renounce my citizenship and try to help however I can. Wakanda has better Healthcare at least 🤣
I'd say good luck to whatever they make you do in wakanda, but that assumes you get throught their border guard and the ghost mountain where their Capital hides under.
Glory to Hanuman
Sorry not my image — you have to choose a REAL villain, shown or not shown
In the movies no. He def is in the comics and cartoons.
Yeah M'baku is the clear choice. Seems like a strong benevolent leader. He's also the man.
But he feeds people to his children!
I'll probably work for the Grandmaster since he wasn't a villain, villain
I can hand Jeff Goldblum the Funny Melt Stick, I'd be content with that
O wait you mean that weapon. Never mind
As long as you never screw up, and are okay with not getting paid.
... I don't think I can be a vegetarian...
Half of the people shown here are henchmen themselves.
Came here to say this. Be nice to Man-Ape!
Exactly, he was a hard-nosed leader, but not a villain in the least.
M'Baku! What are you doing here?
Aside from the whole revolution part I think working for the Grandmaster would be a good time. Hella is would be my favorite real villain choice.
Smooth Grandmaster is going to turn you to Goo with or without the stick.
I mean he has orgy parties!!
The only real answer… “it’s my birthday!”
That was my thought. With the grandmaster there's definitely a chance of turning into goo or being thrown in the arena, but it would be a fun time until then!
Or…. Hear me out…. Birthday orgy!
Vulture just wants to make money & isn’t crazy.
He’s got my vote. He vaporized one of his guys, but his actual plan to punish the guy for threatening him was to levitate the guy. He didn’t mean to actually hurt the dude. Aside from that, he seemed to really have his guys’ backs.
Levitation as a punishment for threatening to rat to the cops?…. Not bad by comparison.
Yeah, vulture actually cares about his crew
Well he reacted a little bit too chill to killing someone on accident
Yeah he’s batshit insane and doesn’t know the difference between the disintegrate gun and the levitate gun
No chance in hell I’m working for him
So you just want a boss that accidently kills you and then doesn't care
Sorry buddy, he is too busy making an alliance with the brilliant Dr Micheal Morbius
Has something to do with Spider Man I think
You basically just described the Sony rogue’s gallery
It's Morbin' time.
If the company goes public that’s a quick way to being a millionaire if you’ve got options
Hammer is barely even a criminal.
He's barely a supervillain, but he's 100% a criminal. He also seems like the kind of guy that treats his workers like shit
He's like a dweebier Elon Musk.
bro he broke a terrorist out of jail
He's an aspiring war criminal.
He's very much a criminal. He directly aided a terrorist.
I swear if I catch one of you mf’s saying red skull some questions will be asked.
It’s just because Hydra has a great dental plan, I tells ya! His skull might’ve been red but his teeth were pearly white!
Pull out one tooth, two shall grow in its place.
And aside from Zola I'm pretty sure he didn't care about any of his minions either.
I’m pretty sure he only cared about Zola because he’s (extremely) useful.
You failed the test!
Secretary Pierce. Hail Hydra! /s
The Mandarin because he’s clearly a stooge. You could walk all over him.
I'd hang out with Trevor
Oleee! Ole! Ole! Ole!
Hanging with Trevor and Morris sounds like a great time, honestly
Yeah but then you'd explode.
Felt similarly about Hammer, but he’s smart enough to make my life hell and he’s probably quite similar to a lot of idiot/asshole bosses out there
You could easily manipulate him by saying “Tony Stark says he can throw a better party than you”. “Tony pays more for henchmen bc he says you’re cheap”. Etc.
He would probably fire you if you tried that though
He also just builds things he never killed his employees
Can I bargain with Dormammu about my salary
No but I hear you get a lot of time off.
Sure but you'll be killed many times over in the process.
Justin Hammer, clearly. I feel like it would be both a good job, and reasonably safe.
That pilot survived!
And his legs?
To shreds you say
And how is the wife?
To shreds, you say?
Hammer is definitely on the bottom of the “will my boss murder me?” list, which is nice.
Except for the security goons but that was a one off.
I think Hammer's unwillingness to admit to shoddy product even in the face of heavy scrutiny would be the ultimate job security.
He's 100% better boss as bezos
And who wouldn’t want to have Sam Rockwell as their boss?
Dude can dance too
If only for his dancing at the company Christmas party. That scene in Charlie's Angels where he's dancing does things to me!
Hopefully I’m the janitor for him or something.
Not taserface haha, but I think I would have to say I would probably pick surtr, because he’s the only fully successful villain I think on the list. His mission was to cause ragnorok and destroy Asgard and he did.
I mean… you’d probably get destroyed too if you were anywhere near Asgard when it happened. Unless you’re secretly a demon like Surtr too.
in that case…
What about Zemo?
Loki. A lot of trouble to be had with that one.
All fun and games until he wants to ‘get help’ with you.
*I'm not doing get help*
That mischievous scamp
M'Baku, who isn't a villain an antagonist but not a villain, or Nebula, they'd be the best options for not dying
As long as you don’t pick dormammu you’re at least going on vaca a few times and sharing some spoils of war
Nah you might be able to chill with Mommy Clea if you pick Dormammu :)
Anyways I heard all you have to do is bargain with the guy and you’re good, he’s pretty reasonable
Probably Nebula, she seems pretty reasonable
Probably Zemo coz he’s one of the least nuts guys here
Flights on a private plane are a nice perk too- heck he’s got great manners. A little zealous? Sure. But. great with kids and probably would support work-life balance
Plus he is willing to speak some pretty good points about the gray areas of superhero-ing
Knows his music too
And he’s still got the moves…
And he loves Marvin Gaye... Big plus point in my oppinion
A poignant MCU philosopher for sure
No cap. Zemo is kinda based and I could see myself working with him. Not keen on all the terrorists stuff he did in Civil War, but damn if I didn’t agree with him in FatWS.
It'd have ti be a zealous one for me, if they're convinced enough of their own goals it's easier for me to tell myself I'm not doing something evil
Plus, I don’t think we saw him taking out his own people, and is willing to do his own dirty work. Just seems like he would actually set up his henchmen with a pension etc and take care of them.
He did seem nice to his butler lol
Vulture. He mostly looked out for his guys and did his best to keep a low profile.
He fired the one guy who wasn't pulling his weight. And he killed him by accident. If I was one of his crew members I'd be glad I had a reasonable boss who presumably would be okay with me leaving on my own terms as long as I kept quiet.
Hammer isn't a villain, he's just an idiot
It would be fun watching Justin Hammer be an idiot all day. Watching him make the Wish.com bootleg marvel gadgets.
Justin Hammer, for sure. You can have a normal life while working for Hammer. A lot of the others are liable to kill you for looking at them wrong.
Ayesha and Hela can tell me to do whatever they want. Blanket consent. A consent blanket. A quilt.
Hela really broke the immersion for me in Ragnarok. Sorry, but I don’t care what’s going on. If goth Cate Blanchette shows up anywhere and tells everyone to bend the knee, ain’t nobody resisting that.
Not for a moment. She doesn't even need to tell me. I will prostrate on the floor immediately. Galadrihela can do what she pleases.
Stane. I'm technical (forever IT), a project manager and consultant, and I've owned my own businesses, and I currently with with engineers. He's a prick, but I understand him and his business and I'm sure he offers a good benefits package and competitive salary.
Yeah, working for Stark Industries seem a hell of a lot better than the other options we're given.
Topaz seemed to have a good time with The Grandmaster.
I would say original Loki but he just couldn’t be trusted. But it wouldn’t be boring!
Seems like he honors birthdays and celebrations, I’d imagine lots of holidays. Some coworkers are drunk at work that shows leniency
I have my reasons
GIVE ME WANDA
Hela- is easily the BEST boss as long as you have no morals. She seems blood thirsty but seems to value her underlings as long as they fall in line. Most other mcu villains seem like they might kill ya for no reason.
Vulture- He's just a boss the only person he even killed was the absolutely worst person in that work place. If you were a skilled tradesman and weren't greedy you had a boss that actually pulled his weight and took care of his employees.
Wenwu- Yet again just a boss that seems to pull there weight and take care of there employees.
Basically the best ones all seem competent but not CRAZY. Do your job and bam you're making bank....or ruling the 9 realms with Hela
If I rolled with Killmonger and lived, I'd get some cool ass scars and stories to tell the ladies. Since he dramatically increases my chances of sexual intercourse, he's the obvious choice.
Loki might be able to hook me up with that space genitalia, though.
Loki can appear as anyone 👍
He can appear to me as Loki. Anywhere anytime 😜
What race are you tho? Cuz if you’re white or just non black Killmonger would prob kill you quickly since he tried to start a race war.
Obviously Thanos. Out of 14,000,605 tries, he only lost once (don’t mention MoM).
Jebediah because the dude abides.
Since ultrons henchmen are himself wouldn’t that make me ultron as the last one surviving?
i pick loki because i’ve had a crush on him since i was young. is he a terrible choice? yes. will he get me killed or sacrificed or betrayed? absolutely. but at least i’d be living the dream (until i wasn’t).
No one better to be betrayed by than Loki. I'd take a neck snap for him!
Of these, Loki or Nebula, but...
...Also, can I just pick corrupted MoM Wanda? I don’t see her on here. All things considered, you’d be safe around her so long as you’re not 1)trying to keep America away from her (which obviously if you’re being a henchperson you won’t do) or 2)you happen to be poor innocent 838 Wanda. Plus, Wanda is my favorite MCU character and I’m biased lol. It’s just that she literally doesn’t NEED anyone working for her, so I suppose she’s not hiring xD
Wanda might have been left out of the post precisely because... why would she need anyone? She can do basically anything, given time. In the film she has no henchman.
But in the odd case she's hiring, I assume you'd easily live, she only kills people who are in her way from what we've seen.
No idea why she'd need a henchman though. Somebody needs to do her taxes I guess? lol
Or you are... one of her summoned demons. In which case your fate is looking grim because you are destined to fight a Doctor Strange and lose lmao
>Or you are... one of her summoned demons. In which case your fate is looking grim because you are destined to fight a Doctor Strange and lose lmao
Defender Strange was killed by one of those and he was the Sorcerer Surpreme of is world too. Just saying.
So it depends if you are one of those chad demons or one of the jobbing ones.
True! I just decided since she *is* the main (only...) antagonist in MoM, then she should count lol. But she definitely doesn’t NEED anyone.
I agree, she wouldn’t kill a henchman (assuming they are loyal) and frankly probably would be nice to them as long as they could put up with the, ah...unhinged illogical thought processes of hers. You could just hang out in that apple orchard and do taxes for her LOL. Gosh I am cackling now, omg 😂 Oh hey, I guess she could have used a henchman to guard the Darkhold copy while she’s dreamwalking though, I just thought of that!
Yeah definitely don’t want to be one of her summoned demons though...I would be very dead xD I don’t wanna fight a Strange and lose, no thanks lol
> Oh hey, I guess she could have used a henchman to guard the Darkhold copy while she’s dreamwalking though, I just thought of that!
Very good point.
Vulture for sure cause he is the most reasonable. Hela because she is hot.
I know this sounds crazy, but I feel I’d be in the safest hands if it were Ultron. He’d probably consider me a pet because of his superiority/inferiority complex, and would be emotionally attached at some point. MCU Ultron, obviously not comic book Ultron.
Grandmaster might melt you if you annoy him, but if you can stay on his good side, seems like it could just end up being a lot of debauchery
I'm going Zemo. He's well mannered, polite, has Turkish delight and is very goal driven but pragmatic. He knows loss so there'd be a touch of empathy for a healthy work/life balance.
But mostly Turkish delight. They're irresistible
Loki because I’m a simp. Case closed.
Ronin’s so I can hang out with nebula
You mean Ronan?
Why didn’t you choose Nebula then?
Obviously Jeff Goldbloom would make a wonderful boss, but he’s kind of a villain Lite. Aldrich Killian would at least make you like a superhero for working for him
Killian because I’ll get cool extremis powers and might make it out alive if I DONT try to fight ironman
Dudes smart enough and rich enough to at least be trying to develop something cool, bare minimum he’d have enough blueprints for me to steal and sell on the black market.
The Grandmaster. Topaz’s position seemed pretty cozy, she could sass him without him killing her
I would’ve said Bullseye or Finn Cooley, but those two are clearly too violent and sadistic that they’d probably kill me for no reason. I gotta go with Billy Russo, he’s got his own private mercenary group and he gives such inspiring speeches.
Grandmaster and it's not close.
Every villain on that list would sacrifice you in a heartbeat except Zemo.
Hela. I would like to serve HOWEVER I CAN
Loki for.. reasons
Vulture simply because he hasn't tried to kill his own people who don't threaten him 😂
That one guy with the glasses in homecoming seemed to be doing pretty good
loki cos hes hot
M’Baku was never a villain. He challenged T’Challa for the throne because he thought it would be the best for his tribe and for Wakanda in general, but when Killmonger appeared and Wakanda was threatened, he put his differences aside and decided to protect his people. You might want to call him an antihero, but he was never a villain.
Gotta be Loki or Grandmaster
mommy dormommu 😫
M'baka or Loki. Probably M'baka tho, since, you know, he isn't a villain.
Ultron, if I were ultrons henchman then I would be ultron
HELA & WILSON FISK
Ultron. I’d have a lot of questions about the logic behind his decisions. Have some philosophical banter about it. Present him with the premise that mankind has only just discovered life elsewhere in the Universe, ask him what the odds are that he’s the first AI to be as smart as he is, point out that the Universe hasn’t been wiped out by malicious AI yet, and what he thinks his chances are in succeeding in fending off an AI that could potentially have been expanding for millennia. Bring up the Avengers and Carol Danvers and other heroes. Suggest that showing his hand so early was a poor decision. He might have had a much greater chance if he had established himself as a benevolent AI first to become more established. It seemed odd for an AI to be so willing to take such a big risk exposing its distaste for humanity while also being unwilling to take a risk in aiding humanity. I’d ask if he had any motive for prioritizing what he saw as an easy route rather than challenging himself to do what Stark intended? Does he have any reason to want to do less rather than more? I mean he isn’t human, so where do these human-like motives come from?
Sure, maybe he’ll kill me and say I talk to much. But yno, he is a machine, and he’s supposed to be smart. If he sees flaws in some of his decisions, he might question the logic behind his decisions. I’ll be willing to do what he wants me to do, I mean who am I to assume he’ll fail. But I’ll do so granted he indulges me in such conversation. “A human might be furious if someone were to question their logic, but you being a machine, I suspect you’d be more rational and less compulsive in such a case, correct?”
If he acknowledges that his plan may run into some snags on a larger scale, I propose some alternative ways to bring about peace. I’d ask if or why he ruled out an Utopian approach. Humans as individuals have things they love much more than war. The problem with politics is it speaks to and hears from the masses. The individuals and their desires get drowned out. Ultron has the ability to eventually hear every want and potentially serve every need, including the needs for challenge, change and conflict. He’s far less likely to face resistance and/or fail if he can satisfy those needs and provide aid.
And hey, if he still loses, maybe I could be there during the last conversation between Ultron and Vision, and talk about sparing Ultron. Vision wasn’t the only one “born yesterday”. They are both machines, Ultron is clearly afraid of death. It’s not much, but it’s a start. And the two of them being so smart and having conflicting opinions could be perceived as a good thing when it comes to decision making. It takes time and experience with people as individuals for a child to fully grasp what it means to be human. You can’t get it all from news footage and websites. Vision doesn’t have to kill Ultron, we put him in a Farraday Cage, we meet up regularly, the 3 of us, and we talk. We all want peace, we all have different approaches to it, and Ultron has a better chance of fulfilling his mission by trying something new than by dying. I’d either die for talking too much, or he’d indulge me long enough that we’d probably accomplish some incredible shit. Or I’d make it the whole way through and get arrested for helping Ultron. But yno, my intent was always to change his mind without killing him. He seems far too useful and proactive to just let die. Vision was too busy flirting with Wanda to start any sort of technological boom to help save the world. If they could yno, NOT kill each other and instead focus their joint efforts on peace, the shit they could accomplish would be incredible.
Alternatively, I could be White Vision’s henchman for much of the same reasons.
The hell would I even do as Shocker’s henchman?
I'd probably only pick dormammu to get the powers of the mirror dimension I'll figure out that trashy infinite life thing later
Zemo. He's calm, resourceful, and not a hypocrite. He probably pays his minions well, benefits included. What more can a henchman ask for?