T O P
[deleted]

I can’t believe they shrink so much


shaunnotthesheep

They were left in the dryer too long. My bad


TH3_ST0CK

*I WAS IN THE POOL!!*


[deleted]

I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things


Banyabbaboy

From sunfish to unfish


Metalhed69

Parts of the ocean can be really cold. I’ve noticed this a lot when exiting the water at the beach.


Dependent_Pomelo_740

THIS


Anti-ThisBot-IB

Hey there Dependent_Pomelo_740! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"THIS"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)


Dependent_Pomelo_740

Sorry, I'll use a complete sentence: I too came here to say "THIS," my good fellow. Carry on. As a sign of solidarity, I also donated an upvote to your well established karma fund.


28nov2022

Thank you my good sire. I hope i have enough karma to last me the winter. Do you know the current going karma rate to exchange for one chocolate chip cookie?


CoupwalObiWan

The sunfish does not exist to win the favour of the apes standing up. The sunfish can survive on his own.


Animedingo

Somehow. In spite of evolution


CienPorCientoCacao

The sunfish is what it is *because* of evolution. Evolution favors reproductive fitness, something the average reddit user lacks.


79r100

I lack that!


LunaTheCastle

Oh yeah? Well, I got out of bed and only broke *one* ankle!


JoostVisser

Aren't sunfish famously terrible fish, survival-of-the-fittest wise?


CienPorCientoCacao

They have been in Earth longer than humans, I say they are pretty successful.


OverOil6794

Especially at the rate we’re going there’ll b no sunfish or humans left in a little more than a century


JoostVisser

Total human extinction is highly highly unlikely, even in the worst case of climate change. It's gonna take a repeat of Chicxulub or worse to maybe wipe us out.


OverOil6794

climate change is the best case scenario. we’re lucky if we survive long enough until then


JoostVisser

What in the world do you think is going to cause total extinction before climate change gets serious? Even total nuclear war will not be enough.


__Just_For_Porn__

They're a slap in the face of any creature who needs to struggle to survive. They have no sense and have no good reason to somehow not be extinct yet.


lordpsymon

I cannot see the photo of the sun fish without thinking about the long copy-pasta rant about them.


JohnnySnap

EDIT/DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this copypasta is true. Don’t take anything you read here seriously or hold any stance against ocean sunfish. Why I hate the sunfish. So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


Bludypoo

How did it jump on a boat if it can barely swim?


the_trees_bees

Ya gotta post the pro-sunfish response to this copypasta as well. [The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong](https://imgur.com/a/MMRg9) Edit: linked to imgur.com album instead of imgur.io post


Noisy_Toy

That was a delightful read, thank you!


Wysteria569

Well, the fry are adorable!!


blue-oyster-culture

How does something that can’t hardly swim leap out of the water and kill someone???? Edit: they look to be okay swimmers. Idk wtf that copypasta was talking about. https://youtu.be/i8shbw93VBM And it sunning itself isn’t as pathetic as the copypasta makes out… no mystery why that’s an advantageous behavior


McWeaksauce91

Everytime that copypasta is posted, there’s always someone who disproves most of what is said. The sun fish is far more capable and efficient


blue-oyster-culture

Yeah whoever wrote that sounds like a negative Nancy.


McWeaksauce91

I think it actually originated as a Facebook post that got snapped and posted here quite a bit of time ago.


blue-oyster-culture

That checks out. Lmfao. The most concerning bit, didn’t they say they were some kinda marine biologist or something? Maybe that’s why our oceans are fucked….


AdonalsiumReborn

No that’s due to overconsumption and an inability to deal with plastic waste, though luckily some amazing technology is being developed for the second reason


[deleted]

It looks like a fish drawn by a 3yo.


blue-oyster-culture

That is an acceptable criticism. Lmfao


mcmonties

[this disproves the pasta, and is a fun learning opportunity ](https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9)


terrycaus

Anything that eats jelly fish is definitely not useless.


bluesydragon

fr whoever wrote that is clearly an idiot, nothing exists in this world without a vital role... we just don't know it yet, and sometimes only learn once its removed


L0raz-Thou-R0c0n0

Some animals are in fact evolutionary dead ends. Sunfish not being one of them.


whatasplendidpie_PPP

That's just objectively wrong. Pugs are a walking abomination with no "vital role". Poor things can't even breathe right, as a *rule*.


aNiceTribe

Well they weren’t exactly made by Mother Nature.


Defecticon9000

Pugs did not occur naturally, and all their issues are because we humans bred them that way, because "omg they're literally dying in front of my eyes that's so cute"


That_Fisherman262

Baited


PM_ME_YOUR_BEAMSHOTS

Quality wall of text you got there


FreeJSJJ

How can it jump onto a boat uf it can barely locomote?


SecondAdmin

It's a silly copypasta, been around for a while and full of contradictions


GooseBdaisy

tl;dr


Lord_ThunderCunt

Fucking fuck! Fucking sun fish are Fucking useless wastes of Fucking cells! Edit: had to fix a typo.


GooseBdaisy

Thanks, mate


MeesterCartmanez

I think you will like this video lol: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukznXQ3MgN0


wormwoodscrub

I never understand going to a text-based site and complaining about the text. Maybe that's just me.


av_alan_che

oh my lord he rated it


Karizmology

I actually learned a lot from this shit post. Not to ever read it again.


Turdulator

This…. was beautiful. Thank you.


SecondAdmin

Fake ass sunfish news man stop spreading the hate, this whole copypasta has been disproven already. Find a more humane way to farm karma


JohnnySnap

it is a joke. i am commenting it under the comment referencing it so its easier to find. chill out


SecondAdmin

It's a Facebook joke from 5 years ago which lead to a bunch of people killing of netted sunfish to cull the apparently "useless" fish


neendmat1

I fucking hate that copypasta so so much


smile_politely

Did you type all of this? My English teachers will love you.


tiagojpg

This is great, thank you!


Specialist-Front-354

Something similar to the koala rant?


lordpsymon

[Why I hate the Sunfish](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/afdp1p/why_i_hate_the_sunfish/) Enjoy.


ManikShamanik

It did get one thing wrong, namely that the ocean sunfish is ***NOT*** the world's largest bony fish, that accolade goes to the [Bumphead Sunfish- aka Giant Sunfish (Mola alexandrini)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_sunfish), which can reach a length of 3.3m (about 10ft 10in) and weigh 2.7 tonnes/2,700kg (6 short tons/6,000lb). In contrast, the [Mola Mola](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfish) only reaches 1.8m (5ft 11in) in length and a weight of 1 tonne/1,000kg (2.204 short tons/2,204lb).


CienPorCientoCacao

>It did get one thing wrong, One? everything it says is bullshit.


WikiSummarizerBot

**[Giant sunfish](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_sunfish)** >The giant sunfish or bumphead sunfish (Mola alexandrini), also known as the Ramsay's sunfish, southern sunfish, southern ocean sunfish, short sunfish or bump-head sunfish in many parts of the world, is a fish belonging to the family Molidae. It is closely related to its congener, the more widely known Mola mola, and is found in the Southern Hemisphere. With a specimen found dead near Azores in 2021 weighing in at 2744 kg (6049 lb) it clearly is the largest extant bony fish species in terms of maximum recorded mass. **[Ocean sunfish](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfish)** >The ocean sunfish or common mola (Mola mola) is one of the largest bony fish in the world. It was misidentified as the heaviest bony fish, which was actually a different species, Mola alexandrini. Adults typically weigh between 247 and 1,000 kg (545 and 2,205 lb). The species is native to tropical and temperate waters around the world. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)


100PercentChansey

Wow that thing is even more useless than I thought it was. Enlightening read.


Exist50

Take it with a mountain of salt, however. Humorous reddit rants are not necessarily accurate. I'm a fan of the rebuttal koala rant for this reason.


BaconIsLife707

Ah but it's a humorous Tumblr rant and is therefore 100% accurate (and also has a very long rebuttal rant)


NuffNuffNuff

I mean there is a whole debunking pasta about this original pasta. The problem is the debunking pasta manages to actually more or less prove the orginal pasta


SlowlySailing

It is not factual.


Idonotlikewaffles

Barely anything in that rant is true


mcmonties

[read this, instead. not a hilarious read but a more factually accurate one](https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9)


CienPorCientoCacao

Just so you know, the rant is made up bullshit.


[deleted]

You wanna know another useless animal? Seahorses.


Specialist-Front-354

Lmaooo thanks!


Toothless92

Came here to read this for the 100th time, thanks! (That sounds sarcastic but I genuinely find that post hilarious)


theNorthwestspirit

This is my first time reading it and *I wheezed the whole time I laughed so hard!* I'm still wiping laugh-tears HF, I don't care if it's true or not, it was hilarious!


MrHookshot

The [audio reading](https://youtu.be/ybFfNI65uEA) was good too.


WeNeedAShift

Holy shit show!!!


mcmonties

[everything in this rant is a bullshit lie and here is why](https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9)


SpookyNoodle13

Was just thinking the same thing.


Btrad92

I found out about the copy-pasta rant a few weeks ago and I’ll never think of sunfish the same again.


macaronfive

That’s the only reason I came to the comments. Was not disappointed.


mymeatpuppets

That's...why I'm here.


No_Assistance_172

Why do they look like tiny puffer fish


Barbara_Celarent

Ocean sunfish and puffers are in the same family (Tetraodontiformes).


No_Assistance_172

Til


pencilurchin

Baby fish also go through a series of metamorphosis-like changes during their life history. The first change is the transition from preflexion to flexion during the larval stage and then post flexion where they began to metamorphosis into juveniles. Many fry/juveniles look absolutely nothing like their adult forms while others just look like mini versions of their adult form. Although as a rule they are always cutest at the juvenile stage!


OliverFracht050

Wow how are these big newborn sunfish getting out of these tiny adult fish? Edit: Typo


Senior_Engineer

Tardis; they are each a tardis, keep it quiet but


ncnotebook

This is just the male.


kaloki89

I can't get over the fact that they're HOLDING the little guys out of the water. FREE THEM!!! 😱😭☠️


-waitwhat_

My first thought was well!


satur9sweetness

Most fish can survive out of water for a few minutes. They’re fine.


kaloki89

I am well aware of this. Doesn't mean suffocation don't hurt bud (unless you're into that kinda thing...)


JetPuffedDo

Surviving is very different from comfort.


LeeTeriyaki

Yeah but how big are those fingers?...


hiddenrealism

It's a baby freaking whale! Call the aquarium or something!


excellent_rektangle

Jay, that thing looks dead, bro!


drawnred

i love how he flips between we gotta help it and do you think it tastes good, that man is a legend of narration


jblredux34

There’s some good meat on it!


[deleted]

We seein something we ain’t fuckin seen before kid


dan420

Holy shit Jay! You seein this bro?!


excellent_rektangle

“Ho-lee shit would you look at this fuckin thing?! This is going on fuckin Fox 25 fuckin news tonight! Look at you, motha fuckah!” *What kinda fish is it??* “Who fuckin knows?! It’s Moby Dick!”


MirkOutSwirvOut

It's a whale, Mark!


WeNeedAShift

This is unreal!!!! Wow! This is pretty amazing. And those little babies are so damn cute!


IrnBruBruh

IT’S A BABY WHEEEEL


excellent_rektangle

Jay says it’s a fuckin floundah!


Solsburyhills

Ya gotta add the link, Bruh! [It’s a baby $&@,!*# wheel!](https://youtu.be/P8Vjd_hdYYw)


dave384

And, [obligatory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p7TndMI_hU)


frenabo

Put them back this instant!


Ampaselite

can't help but think it could accidentally eat its children just after they're born


GooseBdaisy

Baby fish having no idea they are giants :0


brandonscript

laughs in *me, previously known as a single-celled organism*


elektromas

*Did it.. did it eat the Sun!?*


C04511234

*Yes.*


RoutineFerret6697

Who’s that pokemon


gh0stegrl

*leetol baybees*


dna-24

You should include the time it takes and the odds of reaching that size


stopyouveviolatedthe

Fun fact the mola mola is such a derp that it can’t really do much I watched the episode of nat geo hungover and half asleep please don’t blame me for not remembering the full fact


KosmonautMikeDexter

Is has no back fin, and it can still leap so far out of the water that it has killed people.


sysstemlord

Laying the eggs should be the least painull reproduction process among all species.


Low-Inspection2175

This feels very Pokémon, doesn't it


CaptainNuge

/r/afterbeforewhatever


Lurd67

Because someone will inevitably ask the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/5shm1r/why_i_hate_the_sunfish/


onliwenimtrunk

Which is which?


CoronetCapulet

Nice earrings


Lobster2311

Must be an infinite while loop in his growth function


icebychris

Another karma farmer


GivingRedditAChance

He doesn’t really have that much karma for a 4 year old account tbh… I have been getting to know this place and I’ve seen much higher. Is any post with more than 10 karma legit to you?


LeAristocrat

I read the title as “newborn adult” 🤪


grease_monkey

I like babies. Like 2 brothers. You frantic panicked one who is old enough to know how easily things can go to shit, and the young dumb brother who just wants to buy pokemon booster packs.


lileenleen

YJH vs YMA


bonjour-robot

I cannot believe this fish is so big.


Shaunaghini

That’s so cool!🐟


Kedosto

Nature’s Fucking Lit!


Argues-With-Frogs

Benjamin button got nothing


millerlauraann

What???? Holy cow!!!


AnkurYadac

Looks like pokemon


No-Entrepreneur7810

Those are some massive hands.


stvncmbl

That's what happens when you eat your veggies.


AlwazeRight

Where exactly does one find newborn sunfish? I want a couple for my saltwater lagoon...


Alarming_General

Forbidden tic tacs?


booglnoodl

Wow what adorable babies.


Igusy

We found one of these washed up on the beach as kids and thought we'd discovered a new alien species.


[deleted]

“Just add water.”


jaam01

Funny how we call them "Pez Luna" (Lunar Fish) in Spanish because of half moon 🌗 shape.


Satrialespork

And here i thought that fish had just passed some kidney stones


benjohn87

That's actually kinda mindblowing


pruttphilip

That’s some good DNA compression


waterseabreeze

No way, my goodness!!!


mymeatpuppets

We are witnessing a baby fuckin' whale here dude!


maybeJeremy

*"Don't talk to me or my son ever again!"*


Ronbonbeno

They look like little suns, so cute


Berdarien

I can't believe the size of this persons hands. UUUUGGEEEE.


SkirtLoader

Anything else think Newborn sunfish look like adult humans?


Ambitious_Toe_4357

The sunfish is just another starfish. Look it up.


tree_34

Damn, that mother fucker shrank


from_the_Luft

Such a useless animal


Danielle2311

What did they eat as children?


Zona-Kefali

Fish like this are all simply just add water toys, corporate realised this and takes advantage of the people with little marine biology knowledge 🤔


Vati101

No way, there’s no way those little raisins grow up that big


Damerstam

Thats a big odd looking fish


africanasshat

That little fish at the bottom looks as surprised as I was


toeconsumer9000

damn he really shrunk!


olli_ita

Fun fact: in my country (Italy) they are called moonfish


FlopperboiThe

Aww cute baby fishy


mayankkaizen

How many *different* types of fishes are out there?


LazyBriton

Who’s the tough guy now, Vinny?!


R4P3FRUIT

In Germany we call it "Mondfisch" which translates to moonfish instead of sunfish


CreswickDinosaurPark

Wow, those guys really shrink when they get older.


DucatiMunster

So which one is the baby whale bro?


Zikkan1

That fish looks like it is in the middle of evolution


Nyko0921

Eat them


mranxiousallthetime

They got that benjamin buttons disease i reckon.


MadLucy

Forbidden popcorn fish


[deleted]

I shall call him squishy and he shall be my squishy 🐠🐡🦈


ItsABiscuit

No one elae is going to mention the old app game Mola Mola? Wasted so much time on that.


P26601

Why is it called sunfish tho? We call it moonfish in German and it fits way better imo (cause, you know, it's greyish white and kinda looks like the moon)


carlsaganblessyou

How do the tiny adults produce such large offspring?


pip-roof

Holy mola mola


Gurkeprinsen

Yet the size of their brain stays the same from fry to fully grown. Amazing.


Rare-Willingness4022

Definition of im a grower


Freya2022

Cute fish. I like this fish.


jawadark

Those aren't baby sunfish, this is clearly a Mario mob


lumpypoptarts

What percent live to adulthood?


Jaled-09

I caught that Pokémon.


Suitable_Ad3375

Stunkfisk?


Gentleman_33

***Protecc the smol***


[deleted]

You know in Italy this creature is called pesce luna (moonfish) not sunfish. Hey look at the smallest baby..so cute!


Grydekluden

Wich one is the newborn?


arthuresque

Their eggs must be huge