Parenthood ain’t for everybody
By - UpgradeU_
I saw the price of diapers and other baby products and said hell no to that.
It’s actually disgusting the price of these infant essentials. $24 (🇨🇦) for a 42 pack of diapers, averaging min 6 diapers a day 👀 baby formula $35
And babies like to wait until you've changed them to poop . Because no baby wants to poop in a wet diaper .👶😈
I know we celebrated every time a nephew of mine started potty training .
As we used to say, an artist always appreciates a blank canvas.
I'm so triggered right now. My son does that all the time. I'm like "bruv, i just changed you 5 minutes ago, now you want to do this???"
🤣🤣!! Right? Like come on!
They are too smart for their own good.
Cloth nappies ftw
I have a few friends that went that route, either full time or part time cloth diapers. If I have kids that would be something I would consider doing, apparently the clean up isn’t that bad once you find a way that works for you
cleanup isn't that bad but it's far from cheap. Maybe a bit less than disposables but not a ton. Kids are just expensive...
Sounds like a job for Piccolo
It’s actually a lot less expensive than disposable diapers, especially if you are planning on having more than one kid (they last ages when properly cared for). You can also buy them used for cheap, too. Happy to share sources on that- I run a cloth diaper bank!
> I run a cloth diaper bank!
*This week on Househunters...*
I get the Kirkland diapers from Costco...them shits are fantastic.
We switched to these after the baby shower supply dried up.
That's a good move, wish i had thought of that going back to my first born. I kept buying those Pamper Dry. Looking back at it now, they're trash compared to the Kirkland jawns. My kids haven't had any leaks since switching to them.
I'm the first and only female child of my boomer parents. My youngest brother is 13 years younger than I am. I'm GenX which means that I was his mother in all but name which means that I washed cloth nappies in bleach and disinfectants and detergents with my bare hands for MONTHS which means that MY children had disposable nappies THANK. YOU. VERY. MUCH.
The “New” have Velcro and modern fabrics and again if you learn a system that works for you to clean them. Not a big deal at all. I learned taking some TP and wiping them out into the toilet right away makes everything after much less of a pain.
You can install a water sprayer directly to the toilet too! Works wonders!
Used to work in a pharmacy, baby formula and diapers were the few things I turned a blind eye too for shoplifting
I remember working at a grocery store and this mother of 5 went and snitched to the security guard on this mom who was stealing pampers before Thanksgiving. I'm a cop now and I still don't understand. The security guard bought her pampers and the manager didn't press charges but damn
The way babies go through diapers is crazy. For this reason I always give boxes of diapers as gifts to new mothers. Never fails!
Yes! A friend of mine showed up to the baby shower with two huge boxes of Pampers size 1 and 2 (back when there was Babies R Us and you could buy industrial sized boxes of diapers). I was so thankful for those. I had different sizes and could go “shopping” for diapers as needed until the supply ran out (at about 3 mos?). These days, I buy a cute outfit (just because they’re so cute and cheap at Target) and give the parents a gift card or cash. They can use the gift card or cash on whatever they need (diapers, wipes, formula, etc.)
By the way, never buy newborn diapers unless you have a really small baby (under 6 lbs.). They are a waste of money as most babies out grow them quickly.
You seen the price of wood? Couldn’t build a baby either.
Have you tried clay? Worked for Queen Hippolyta.
This is the deepest deep cut I have seen in a while.
Parenthood in general isn't for me, but every time I pass through the baby aisle serves as a nice reinforcement.
This was back in the mid 00s, but I read a 0-18kid averaged around $300,000…..
You think I got Ferrari money laying around….. yeah I get it, it’s not all at once… lemme rephrase “you think I got Ferrari payments laying around…..”
This is why I chose reusable cloth diapers, diapers are so expensive and babies go thru them fast as hell
Brooo! Formula is like $40 buck a can and I've seen babies go though then in a week. $160/mo solely for food for the smallest person in the house is wild.
I'ma have my kid on the tit for free til they turn 5yo 😭
$50 baby formula (some sensitive allergy thing). Nope. Nope nope nooooooooooooooope
Told my mom I wasn't interested in having kids because I'm selfish, often irresponsible and don't like them and she says having one would change all that. Like.. maybe? But why the fuck would you risk it?
i doubt having one would change it anyway
Ok, but like, how about 2? Would that change your mind?
Third time is the charm. You might regret the first two, but.
People seriously overestimate how much children change their parents’ personalities. If your parents are narcissistic, then having a child won’t change that. How many adults are still dealing with the effects of childhood trauma because of parents who were immature, dealing with mental illness, narcissistic, etc? Why society thinks having children is will automatically change people for the better is beyond me. If anything, the pressure of having children seems to exacerbate people’s worst qualities.
It's certainly changed my perspective a bit, and I think that gets reflected in your personality. To your point though, I'm not an entirely different person than was pre-kid...
My speculation, based on my own experiences, is that it's REAL easy to just gloss over your childhood trauma, any issues with your own parents, and even your mental health in general to appear like a fully functional adult... and then all that comes back up once you have a kid.
For me personally this looks like rehashing my issues with my own parents: I'm having a great time being a parent, the things they complained about for the entirety of my childhood I'm now out here going "that's it...? that was super hard for my mom to do? really?" and then you get to re-evaluate all that trauma you thought was settled. Real roller coaster sometimes :)
You're right. I can't honestly say that having children changed me at all. If anything, turning forty changed me a lot more than having kids did.
They're probably trying to convince themselves that that'll work. Babies are the perfect scapegoat for toxic people.
Like blaming satan
there have been studies showing how having kinds can have a big impact on your bodies hormones - even in males who arent bearing the child.
The impact could be overestimated by most people, but the idea that having kids can alter your personality does have scientific backing
Didn't change it for my dad lol. I'm gonna break the cycle.
It for sure as hell hasn't for millions of others out there.
I mean, it can, because hormones and all that, but it's a terrible reason to have a kid, and the fact is in spite of whatever reward you get out of it, there's a very large "cost" expressible in so many ways. I've never had kids, and this was deliberate. But I don't doubt that mother nature can turn someone around a bit on this topic.
It'd probably make it worse.
Then why are there bad parents then if having one would change everything?
It only changes good people. People that ready or not to become parents realize the only way to be a good parent is to stop being all those things. A person who becomes a parent "accidentally" or not and still chooses to be selfish is simply put, not a good person.
Being selfish in their household can be a deeply rooted part of your brain chemistry just as much as anxiety or a favorite color. Some people will not make good parents but can still be good people.
I was going to say this too, this comments section is making it out to seem that being a good parent is the criteria to be a good person. They’re independent. I’d wager there are good parents who are bad people, and vice versa.
I think it's more that a good person will try to be a good parent, and if it doesn't work out will try to find a solution to ensure the best possible life for the kid.
While a bad person would go: taff luck kiddo, you're on your own.
As we can see in this thread there is SO much stigma associated with admitting you might not be a good parent. Ideal world everyone has a loving home one way or another, for sure, but reality always comes knocking.
Most people aren't born good or bad, we have to be taught how to be a person.
Because change doesn’t magically just happen. It’s fucking hard work and very few people are up for that.
She lied to me about being on birth control and knowing my stance on parenthood. She doesn't understand why 5 years later I'm still mad at her. I had no intentions of being a parent ever.
Not because I'm selfish but because I care too damn much and hate being with other people. Raising a child means you have to be constantly in contact with people and you don't have a choice.
Having a child means going from doing things because you want to - to doing things because you have to.
That's not fun at all.
Hey man, real talk - you have to get your mind right about this, or your kid is going to figure it out. The last thing you want is your kid knowing you resent them. Besides, if your kid is five, the hard part is over, and the really cool part is about to begin. You are going to get to do all the fun kid things you enjoyed from your childhood with your child, with the added bonus of watching them enjoy it too. View this as an opportunity, not a burden. My youngest is about to turn 15, I miss those times. I don't get hugs anymore.
Thank you for this. I don't resent the child at all but I do have a ton resentment for the mom because once the child was born she decided to become a low effort parent bordering on neglect. I kept reducing my work hours because her schedule has gotten busier every year as if there's no other responsibilities.
I spend most of my days with the kid because of love but it's hard watching the other parent wing it.
Thank you I feel heard.
I'm a woman and a feminist, and sometimes get into with my feminist friends when I:
a.) encourage men to get vasectomies - acknowledging the equal humanity of women includes their human capacity to be assholes - so that they aren't relying on women's birth control, and
b.) say that men should have the right to waive/refuse parental responsibilities (if they also waive any rights and agree to no contact, and as long as it's only before they "meet"/know the child), since women can - as we should! - have that option too, via abortion.
Women are often forced into this too - from states restricting abortion, to families forcing carriage to term, to abusive partners forcing reproduction, etc. Which is why I know some feminists have a negative, knee-jerk reaction to talking about men and forced parenthood - forced motherhood is often tied to violence in a way forced fatherhood rarely is.
But the first thing I did when I thought I might be pregnant was look for the nearest abortion provider to me. That's an option I would be terrified to live without (which is why I support organizations like Planned Parenthood), and yet it's one that all men effectively live without.
Parenthood is a fucking curse if you do not want it, and men and women should have the right and ability to walk away from it comparable to women.
Having kids is just as selfish as not having kids. Ask your friends why they want kids. The answers are always self-serving because of course they are.
I always get so annoyed when someone says “But who will take care of you when you’re older?” Like...is that really why you had kids? Did you really create another living being so that it would be obligated to care for you when you’re infirm?
Wouldn’t having kids be *more* selfish? Because why is not having kids selfish in the first place.
I don’t want kids because I don’t like children
>it’s different when they’re your own
But what if it isn’t? Are you gonna take that child off my hands?
Truthfully? It would change all that. The fact that you understand yourself and realize that these characteristics aren't compatible with parenthood is proof enough. What it won't change is how you feel about parenting. You'll make a fine parent but you'll be miserable as hell and some part of your child will recognize that. I don't get why people push it so hard. I say to all the ladies out there don't get married and don't have kids. Live your best life! Be free.
When you don’t have kids you can make sure that your selfish and irresponsible actions only affect you, when you have a child any selfish and irresponsible action you make will also affect them. I’d rather I only have to live with the consequences of my own actions than force someone else to have to deal with them too.
That wouldn't not change it.
These parents all fucking lie having a baby is fucking miserable unrewarded work for months maybe years.
"If that were true, CPS wouldn't exist."
That’s the equivalent of thinking getting married will fix a toxic relationship.
I've seen many pregnant middle and high schoolers... Your mom lied to you
Nothing wrong with knowing parenthood ain’t for you. I second this!
Yeah, that and when you were an accident you can usually tell. Some people "step up" but really those that don't intend to be parents don't magically have a switch that turns on just because someone got knocked up.
The kids always figure it out when that's the case.
This ⬆️. I’m the parent who stepped up. Love the child dearly and have made tons of sacrifices.
It's always so painful for the kids when things don't work out. They really didn't ask for this mess.
>Yeah, that and when you were an accident you can usually tell.
There's also the kid a couple has because they think having one together will save their relationship. *You only had one job...*
The kid knows when that's the case too.
i WANT to be a parent, but then i think about how much of a struggle it is to even get my own responsibilities in order, make doctors appointments, put an outfit on, get/make food for myself, and i just feel like i can’t do it for another person 24/7. sadly my desires don’t line up with my abilities and it wouldn’t be fair to a child to try and see if i could manage it all.
Knowing something is not for you unfortunately doesn’t stop you from wanting it. I really commend you for knowing yourself well enough to make this determination. There are a lot of people who can’t see past what they want.
The best parents are the ones who are wise enough to know they aren’t ready or equipped to be parents, and make the decision to not create a life that would suffer needlessly because of their own struggles. That doesn’t mean you can’t work to make a difference in children’s lives in the ways you *are* capable of. There are a lot of kids out there with bad parents who need adults to show up for them in a million different ways.
I’m the parent of two kids and it’s not for everybody. It’s hard, physically exhausting, and expensive. Don’t want kids? I understand and no judgment here.
What really grinds my gears is when people that chose not to have kids want to turn around and fuck me for having kids. They don’t want to fund schools, playgrounds and parks. They complain about children in restaurants (at appropriate restaurants and times), about children on transit, about children existing at all. Like I’m supposed to hide them in my basement until they turn 21. I’m raising the next generation of people, people they need. My kids are going to be their future doctors and lawyers (maybe their waitress and DMV clerk but I’m entitled to dream).
I am \*all\* for not having kids. But the number of militant anti-kids people in this thread is astounding. Make that decision for yourself but why go out of your way to make things harder for people that do have them? Like you said, you can't undo them or hide them away.
This was why people split off from r/childfree to make r/truechildfree.
r/childfree devolved from "support for personal decision to not have children" to "fuck kids, they suck". I wasn't optimistic about r/truechildfree so I haven't kept up with it, and can't speak to what it's turned into in the last few years since then.
I understand some of the animosity, especially coming from women. Society pushes child-having onto people in general and on women in particular, so aggressively and so much, that sometimes you start to resent kids despite it not being their fault at all simply because they are often the manifestation of everything you *do* resent.
But that sympathy runs out when people start referring to all kids as "crotch-goblins", and disdain all parents ever for subjecting the world to the existence of their children.
There are 7 billion freakin' people on this planet we don't need anymore.
People, do not have kids unless you really, really want kids!
I'm tired of people asking my why don't i want kids.
Because I'm gay and i value my freedom above all.
I don’t even think you need a reason. If you don’t want be a parent you don’t want to be a parent. Nobody is owed an explanation as to why.
Thank you for this sanity. I thought I was going crazy.
"Do this optional thing."
End of story. Damn.
Yeah, and fuck calling it selfish. You can contribute to society in myriad ways without reproducing. Nothing about it is “selfish”
I don’t know about selfless, but they are certainly honest and smart.
I was raised by parents who were not ready or not available. Eventually I was dumped onto my grandparents, who shouldn’t have had that responsibility.
Lots of video gaming and buying whatever I want.
Source: 45 yrs old, married with no kids or regrets.
What will I do? Whatever I wanna do. Gosh.
Exactly. If you dont want kids there should be no need to justify. Having children is not a requirement, obligation, or duty.
Yeah, I don't like how the post implies you have to be either selfish or irresponsible to not want kids. I'm neither of those things, I just don't want any fucking kids.
Those are always the main two things pro-kid people imply. Not actual reasons people chose not to have kids.
Post is making the point to THOSE people that being self-aware of high chance of being a poor parent & opting to spare a child that upbringing isn’t villainous.
100% agree. I chose to be childless, and I don't owe anyone a reason.
I get her sentiment in the final part that a child should not be born into this world only to end up suffering from actions not of their own. However, the first part about 'selfishness' or 'emotionally absent' is not my immediate stance of not having kids.
It's mostly about having the fear of not being able to provide the necessary resources for the child. Another big thing is that the world is going to hell in a handbasket faster than a dude sitting next to his GF scrolling past a bikini girl post. I don't want my child to grow up in Mad Max times.
I think she’s taking other people’s negative words when talking about childfree people, and making into a good reason not to have kids - similar to what you’ve said here. I don’t think she’s saying she is selfish, but that’s something people often throw at those who don’t want kids, so she’s saying “so what?” type-thing
I hate when people say not wanting children at all or not wanting more children than what you already have is selfish. It’s your own life and it doesn’t concern them at all.
It’s a very weird kind of guilt trip, that one
It's also stupid. Having children is a selfish decision, too. People have kids because they want to have the experience of having and raising kids. How is that less selfish than me not wanting those things?
It's a weird ass guilt trip that'll never have an affect on me.
Ironically my father was very abusive and is still manipulative and still has the balls to ask, "So when you gonna make me some grand babies".
I swear they KNOW they fucked up, so they want their kids to pop some babies to revive the "fun" parts without having the responsibility. Is like those mid aged dudes having a baby with a chick the age of his first marriage children and suddenly being extra doting like no dude, this doesn't erase your shitty parenting in the past.
I say this shit all the time. The future is fucked. I'll never fault my friends for having children, but I don't want to risk a child having less than I had/have, which is already not enough.
Doesn't need to specifically relate to you. For me, the first sentence is spot on, for example. Ykyk :DD
Or people just don’t want them 🤷🏽♀️
I don't want to bring any children into this shit-show of a planet. The monetary savings and extra free time are just an added bonus..
It's just common sense
If sense was common, why are there so many idiots?
Many times it’s unplanned because unprotected sex is great.
100% agree. Had a kid relatively young because of exactly this.
That’s the affirmation I need. Fuck those kids.
People who would be bad parents and thus don't want to have kids are not made as much villains as people who would be ok/good/great parents but still don't want to have kids.
Not wanting to have kids is ok and there's no need to make the idea more palatable with the "childfree people would have been terrible at parenting anyway".
i think the point of the tweet was to use the same language some people use against childfree people.
I feel like using the same language as them confirms their point of view, on top of dismissing other type of childfree people, which drives the nail in the coffin even further.
Though, given that this media doesn't allow for a lot of characters, I understand they couldn't address everything.
Does it matter if their POV is confirmed? People who think we're all on earth to have babies aren't going to be swayed by the diverse reasons why people are childfree.
No one should be made a villain for their choice about having children.
There's a David Cross joke where he says a friend was telling him how he can't wait to be a father and how he's going to be such a great father, and Cross goes 'that's funny cause you've sucked at everything else you've tried in life'
That's the reason I don't have kids.
I'm selfish and want to retire early to enjoy my life but also bringing kids into this world is just an expectation. People tell me I'd be a great father but I have my doubts about that. If a kid showed up in my life, I'd make sure I'm the best father I can be, but that's not something I desire to do. I don't know why people have such an issue with this. I will happily be a fantastic uncle/Godfather
I used to think I needed a kid so bad after losing my mom. I really thought that would help fill the void. Welp, my first nephew is now 8months and I don’t want kids anytime soon. I’m 29 & I see that I really enjoy doing the things I like to do, when I like to do them and maybe a kid just isn’t for me like I thought, being that I really enjoy doing absolutely nothing & not have to take care of another human besides myself 🥲
Sorry for your loss, btw. Really feel this comment. I went through similar after I lost my mother, but now see that there’s many other ways to find love in the world. Being present in my younger relatives’ lives is actually really worthwhile and fun, and actually quite rewarding for both them and I.
I recommend r/childfree
Also it's one of the best things you could do for the environment
I'm staunchly childfree and think that community is toxic as fuck.
So, to any childfree people out there... YMMV.
FYI - r/truechildfree is a lot more positive and kinder.
The villains are the ones making more of themselves without any concern for what they’re passing down. I recognize those same people aren’t known for making great decisions but god damn.
I’ve spent the last twenty years working with troubled kids and I can’t think of a single one from a healthy family that wasn’t adopted. Not, one. Even the families with money.
This. Some people honestly shouldn’t be parents, and yet they still choose to be, and it’s the kids that suffer at the hands of physical or emotional abuse, or just really distant and uncaring parents. The number of friends I have whose parents are bad is absurd.
I don’t want kids cause more drugs for me.
Can't get drunk or high for at least 9 months? Gonna have to pass on that.
Yeah my best friend doesn’t want kids because of how bad her childhood was, and knowing that she couldn’t possibly be a good mother for a possible child.
It’s not a bad thing to not want kids. It’s a bad thing when you have kids, yet neglect to properly take care of them.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. Some people just like their life the way it is and don’t want to spend it looking after someone else.
As a parent though, my advice to those that do want children one day would be to wait until you have all the other major items sorted out first (education, career, financials, etc.). I can’t imagine trying to get a handle on those things while raising children. Sure, it can be done (people do it everyday), but it makes things a lot harder IMO.
The idea being that once you have kids you’re able to just focus on them because it takes a LOT of work.
This is why I don't have kids. I don't feel like a lot of the other things will ever be sorted in the near future. I have the education, but buried under student loans and will be for the next several years. By the time those are sorted I won't be able to have them, and will be well past the age it makes sense to adopt.
My extended family asks me every time they see me "when am I getting another niece or nephew" and every time I tell them when my sister decides to have children because they won't come from me.
I know I'm far too selfish to wanna spend money on a child. I also know I'm nowhere near financially stable to have one. I can't use that second excuse because then everyone goes "Oh you'll find a way."
Bitch, if I have to "find a way" then I'm not prepared. Go sit down and eat your shitty potato salad. Thankfully my mother is pretty against me having children and my dad only mildly jokes about his "immortality" but doesn't push it more than once every few years.
I think I'd be a horrible parent. Either I'd be smothering or just emotionally unavailable. That's the only thing I learned from my parents. I'd rather just be the aunt.
I don’t understand why people say this. Having self awareness doesn’t mean that you have the desire or ability to change yourself because you have a kid. Knowing you’re selfish doesn’t mean that you will stop being selfish. I got people saying that to me a lot because I was physically and emotionally abused as a kid. BuT yOu KnOw WhAt NoT tO Do NoW. Yes, Karen, but that doesn’t mean that knowing what’s abusive won’t stop my first instinct to slap a kid who’s mouthing off or scream at them when they do something wrong. It would be a 24/7 battle against my instincts, and I’d lose that fight and abuse the kid(s) at least a couple of times or overreact a lot. That’s not healthy.
I would not be a great or even good parent, and I got so tired of people who don’t really know me telling me that I would. They’ve never seen me lose my shit when my mental health got bad, nor have they been there when I was hospitalized for a week with acute pancreatitis and took months to get back to normal when I got home just to have another acute attack and go through the same thing again. I also have chronic pain from this and have low quality of life sometimes. But yeah. Let’s drag a kid into this. They did see how exhausted I was all the time and how I struggled to do everyday things for my husband and me. (My husband is a rockstar and does a lot of the housework and such, even before I got as ill as I have.)
I’ve got a lot of serious medical problems, and a lot of people still tried to push me to have kids that would inherit my shitty genes. TrUsT GoD tO kEeP tHeM HeAlThY aNd GiVe YoU tHe StReNgTh AnD GoOd HeAlTh tO rAiSe ThEm. Because God is going to give me superhuman strength after I didn’t listen to my doctors and had a kid despite my poor health and inability to care for myself. He’s also going to override the laws of the universe and give me a healthy baby because why exactly? Because I prayed hard enough? Ignoring the millions of Christians who lived good lives and were faithful and still had children who died of cancer or went through horrific tragedies through no fault of their own. But these idiots are positive that I will get a miracle even though I knowingly got pregnant despite my doctors telling me it was life threatening and my medical issues could cause birth defects.
My husband and I actually left the church because I’d had a stroke because of my heart and blood clot problems, and I’d spend my entire pregnancy in the hospital I’m so high risk. My husband had pastors and other church members telling him that he should make me get pregnant and just “TrUsT gOd” that it would all work out. My husband was shocked and outraged that my life, needs, and desires meant nothing to them. They were fine with me being permanently disabled from heart failure or us having a seriously disabled child because we ignored our doctors just as long as I “fulfilled my duty” and gave birth. No concern for my husband having to care for a disabled wife and baby while working long hours to keep our good health insurance.
I finally had to get a hysterectomy at 29 because I had precancerous cells in my uterus (the risk of cancer is genetic, and my bio mother died of uterine cancer). So the pressure to have children stopped. It was quickly replaced with “YoU sHoUlD aDoPt Or FoStEr” because people are lining up to give children to disabled people.
People are crazy. It’s not really about the person they’re pressuring, it’s about them needing to validate their own life choices.
I think I'd be a decent parent for *most* of their upbringing, but as I deal with other people's babies, the one part of their life I'd despise with a passion is before they can communicate. Once they can talk about their problems, it seems all good, but I can't fucking deal with a creature that only speaks in crying and sleep.
That's exactly why I have no interest in having children. I don't want to take care of them!
Calling people selfish and inconsiderate for 100% not wanting to have kids is wild. I actually adore kids, but I definitely don’t want any of my own for a variety of reasons. Parenthood is just not for me.
Hell yeah. I wish being child free was more socially accepted/normalized. Let people decide. Not everyone wants to be parents.
I'm so very proud to be a part of the child-free community.
The people saying they are villains are just assholes. Do what’s best for you. I’ve got friends that don’t have or want kids. I have 1 myself and absolutely understand why people wouldn’t want 1. It’s a TON of work, even for only 1 let alone the cost. Childcare alone is absurd. No idea how people have multiples.
I couldn’t imagine my life without this 1 year old insane guy running around, I love him to death. but there are definitely times where you think about what it was like before them.
There is multi-generational abuse in my family tree. My parents were abusers, their parents, their parents, and so on. Growing up in abuse for me and my siblings was normal.
My siblings went on to have kids and continued the abuse because they were mostly unaware of it, having been conditioned by it. Their kids (now adults) are also fucked up because of it.
I opted not to have kids because I recognized the abuse for what it was and didn't want to perpetuate it. But I'm "selfish" somehow?
Too many people having kids because their reproductive system works. How about actually take some time learning what raising a human entails.
Kids are cute and all but people often forget the responsibilities that come with it. Everyone wants one but then a lot end up regretting their decision and leave the child in a fucked up state. Mental abuse is serious.
It’s so serious and sadly also extremely normalised
Yessir. That's why I don't really want kids, I'd rather adopt and help some poor soul rather than have one myself.
One could argue it's more selfish to actually have kids. Especially in this rapidly decaying planet that humans keep abusing.
Don’t know why you’re hidden, guess people like to have their fingers in their ears and heads in the sand
Better to realize that before you have kids, not after. Then you’re fucked up and you fuck up the kids.
And then they fuck up their kids, and so on.. messing up generations of people just bc you wanted a kid? No thank you
One less child that's negatively impacting the environment.
Not having kids is good tbh. You should be adopting but most people are so obsessed with having their own version of themselves running around. But what some people in this generation have been jokingly saying is "I didn't ask to be born."
I imagine the next generation is going to say something similar. Adopt. Those kids need you.
My ex did not want kids because her dad was *constantly* reminding her and her brother that "he never wanted kids in the first place." Not having them is definitely better than treating them as a regret and a burden.
Realizing you’re too selfish or emotionally unavailable to have and raise a child at any stage in your life, is the pinnacle of responsibility.
I don’t know that abusing, neglecting, or putting a child through the foster system is necessary. However, you shouldn’t be feel pressured to have children either.
My childhood fucked me over and errbody want me to do the same to an innocent kid, let my pain heal first
Small reminder that one of the biggest sources for the idea that having a family and kids is the end goal of life is that the ruling class needs the workforce to reproduce itself.
But people call me crazy when say that the barriers to sex Ed and contraceptive access serve to ensure the continued production of exploitables.
They say I’m crazy when I tell them that poor and disenfranchised populations are pitched parenting as a form of political protest so they’ll keep producing people to be exploited.
It's better to be DINKS. double income no kids. Retire at 50, be a selfish person and do what you want. The planet has enough people. Just because others need to find satisfaction in life through birthing crotch goblins doesn't mean everyone does.
Yeah there's no world in which choosing not to have kids is the selfish choice. I've yet to hear a single reason to have kids that doesn't begin with "i want..."
I know it's selfish to want to keep my sanity and my money, but I am who I am. No apologies.
Is there a non selfish reason for birthing a child ? Especially when there are millions that need to be adopted?
Definitely agree with this.
I feel like the people who decide not to have children would be less likely to neglect their children than people who want to have children but literally are unable to take care of them
Yep, if I wanted kids, I would have to fundamentally change everything about myself.
Why should I have to do that if I don't want to?
Even though people will say "oh but you'd make a great dad!" And I'm like, based on what exactly?! My hatred of mornings. My inability to share. My preference to put myself before other people? Being super cheap and hating to spend money?
Given the country is all about capitalism, wouldn't it be cheaper to pay them to look after their children?
NORMALIZE. VOLUNTARY. CHILDLESSNESS.
I just don't think life is all that great to force another person to experience it. That potential person will never know sorrow, having to work a job they dislike, or other frustrations of existence. Sure they won't know the joys either, but regardless they won't know anyway bc they never exist.
Choosing to not have children is NOT selfish.
Otherwise, I agree with this sentiment. If you want to have children, be my guest, it’s just not something I want.
Agreed. Things can change too. When I was 20 I knew I couldn't take care of myself let alone a whole nother person.
Fast forward 15 years and the wife and I are putting in paper work to start fostering.
Awesome! So proud of y'all and I'm sure you'll make someone's life so much better.
Frankly I think that this is the more sensible and reasonable choice. Better this than society forcing people to have children "just because".
This is one of the main reasons I don't have children--that and the mess the world is in right now. Who knows what kind of world they will inherit?
But why should people need a reason to not want kids? “I don’t want kids” is valid enough, you shouldn’t have to provide a backstory if you don’t want to. Especially when people still write off your reasons as “you’ll come around eventually” or “you’re too young”
Women are not obligated to reproduce, and it's entitled and creepy to feel we should.
After spending the majority of my life doing emotional and mental heavy-lifting for my family, I don't want children even though I know I'd be a great mother. That's not selfishness. That's exhaustion. I gave FAR more than anyone ever should have to give, decades of pain that wasn't of my own making. Now I just want to be alone. That makes me happy. I'm literally learning to finally put myself first.
And this world doesn't deserve the awesome children I'd produce. I know how we're treated, and I wouldn't want that for anyone I loved, especially children.
Give this woman a beer.
I never got the idea of blaming someone that believes they don’t have the fortitude/time/etc to care for a child, so they don’t have it.
Isn’t that better than having a neglected child?
I wish my mother would've had this conversation with herself because "selfish" and "emotionally absent" are the two best words I would use to describe her.
Having kids is selfish. The world is grossly overpopulated with human trash.
It’s actual not selfish to family plan.
I don't want kids because I literally cannot afford it in this Mad Max economy.
This feels judge-y. I never wanted kids. I’m now 53. No regrets. Am I selfish and emotionally absent? Um no. Fuck off.
Years ago my sister called me selfish for having an abortion and deciding to not have kids, this after helping her with taking care of my niece and nephew since I was like 13-14yrs old. I babysat when she worked, I spent my summers living with her so she could work and not have to worry about paying daycare, I went without things I wanted/needed b/c our Mom was giving money to her to help take care of the kids, when I finally was of age to work I bought school clothes, school supplies, birthday gifts, gave money for birthday parties, field trips, lunch money... She even went to prison for 1.5 and my Mom and I got a house together to help take care of her kids while she was locked up. Seriously I was such a good aunt that my sister actually wishes me 'Happy Mother's Day' (no lie)... When she said what she did, I think it was in anger and in part jealousy as well b/c I decided I didn't want to have the same battles she did, but after helping her so much I was tired of kids and honestly it made me realize I didn't want my own kids, I just wanted to enjoy having to take care of me and me only. I cried for months after she said that to me and I even stopped talking to her, finally I told Mom what was going and she said exactly what this young lady said... *"It's not selfish of you to realize that having kids isn't for you, especially after all you've done, if anything it's smart and it shows how much you care b/c when you have children they have to come before you and you were smart to realize you don't want that."*.... Although I've forgiven my sister for this, I'll never forget it's always there in my mind.
BuT iTs A lAbOr Of LoVe, It'Ll Be DiFfErEnT bEcAuSe ThEyRe YoUrS.
Bruh, i can barely get my shit together enough ta pay rent and feed my kitty. I can fullwell imagine having too interact and fully support another human to that extent.
Mom here. Whenever a friend tells me they don’t want to have children, I’m elated. Parenthood is INSANELY HARD. For me, it’s difficult *and* a blessing, but I *wanted* to become a mother. I can’t imagine coming into parenthood from a position of pressure, force, or disinterest.
Nothing like an honest admission about yourself. No harm in that. And she does make sense. Why bring a kid into the world if you know beforehand you just do not have the skill set or aptitude for giving as much love and care as it should have? Why add to the list of social pathologies that we're already dealing with? Besides, there's 8 billion of us roaming around a finite planet that doesn't have an unlimited amount of resources. If nothing else, we ought to be encouraging smaller families.
The paradox is that if you’re self aware enough to make that call you’d probably make a great parent
Fuck social stigma and expectations though, amen to that
Honestly some people don’t want to be parents and that’s fine.
It wanting children is just as natural a decision As wanting children. But I think it’s takes more conscious and thoughtful thought
And think about how much pollution and trash the average person produces.
There's a literal mountain of plastic out there that I'm directly responsible for.
The world is not the same as it use to be , I had 2 on my early 20's and it was somewhat a struggle but still made it fine. If the world was back then as it is now would certainly not had any at all, so don't feel an explanation needs to be given for not wanting to have any, in the end we all have to live with the choices we make and the consequences of them.
My mom has arthritis, my grandma had arthritis, I'm most likely going to develope arthritis. My wife's mom had cancer, wife's uncle had cancer. She most likely will get cancer. Why would I give a child a arthritis and cancer filled life?
Sometimes you gotta stop it.
I’ve met several people that have no right to be a parent with the way they treat their kids
THANK 👏YOU 👏. My mom was a social worker for 29 years and she had so many people who should have never had kids.
My cousin who is 34 now, started donating her eggs at 20 and she did up to she was 30. She paid for her college, she just bought a house, has her car.
We're Puerto Rican American, she was the oldest of 7, and because my aunt worked so much me and her watched the kids.
She always knew she never wanted kids, I went with her to all her appointments, it's a fascinating process.
I wish more people were responsible and self aware enough to realize this..
I mean...self awareness us not a bad thing. Know your limitations.
There's an opposite end of this spectrum too. Toxic / broken people who hide behind parenthood as some badge of honor. Y'all ain't foolin nobody but yourselves. If that.
I'm sure they make up most of the anti-childfree crowd.
I don't understand why people care what other people do with their lives anyways. Any reason is a perfectly valid one to not want kids. Some of those obnoxious childfree folks can't even have kids if they wanted to (and have taken on the ideology to cope).
I gave this reason for not wanting kids and someone said "Being able to admit that is why you'd be a good parent".