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PutAForkInHim

If you’re actually looking for a serious answer, “You’re incredible” or something equally flattering has worked well for me.


Pinkbeans1

Honestly it’s usually: “I can’t reach the wipes! Hurry it’s gonna get everywhere!” Edit: Thanks for the gold! Holy cow! Thank you for the platinum!! Edit 2: ok, I REALLY appreciate whoever gave me gold and platinum. A few hours in of no ads.. I hadn’t realized just how intrusive they had become. Thank you!


BurnItNow

"NOT THAT TOWEL!!!"


PineappleLumper

The real answer


The_Greylensman

Compliments always come second to getting cleaned up. My gf and I both have really long hair so making sure no mess gets in there


lalalicious453-

Serious question. If a guy busts on your back/boobs/ass etc.. it’s implied he’s grabbing TP or a towel to clean you… right?


soothouse-

Cowabunga


paper_sandwich

"Cowabunga" "I didn't come" "Cowabummer"


Vast_Chipmunk1065

FLAWLESS VICTORY


Loose_Fajita

FINISH HER


muddledmartian

There was a comedian I saw a clip of (forgot his name) said the walls were pretty thin and he said that while their neighbors were having sex and said that in his best mortal combat voice. They laughed. About 10 minutes later he said he heard the guy say in his mortal combat voice ROUND TWO!


ShadowRylander

NATALITY!


deadmamajamma

I used to say to my ex, "That was some primo fuckin." He hated it.


albinowizard2112

"Thanks for the quality dong, kemosabe"


[deleted]

What are we


MustangDuvall

"well, we certainly aren't virgins"


VanRayInd

WE. ARE. FARMERS. BUM BADA BUM BUM BUM BUM


themostcleveralias

This is the only response to that question


S2kKyle

I had a girl ask that while getting undressed. It felt so awkward, I wanted to date her but it was just the timing of the question.


HomosapienHomie

WE ARE VENOMmm


jeff_the_nurse

Thanks for coming!


dangp777

Thank you come again


space_mom33

This is what my husband and I say lmao


Complete-Sweet-2269

*Enjoy the silence\**


Chaosbrae

An artist respects the silence that serves as the foundation of creativity


oortcloud42069

Who the fuck are you?


Baronheisenberg

YOU'RE *FLAT*! I WALKED BOB DYLAN DOWN THE RED CARPET!


deathgaze5

All I ever wanted All I ever needed is here in my arms


Fernando_357

Words are very Unnecessary They can only do harm


yoswift1

As a DM fan, its crazy i didnt have to scroll down that far and find a DM reference on what to say after sex. This made my day.


ManOfFlesh101

Holy shit a Depeche Mode comment. My day is made


Aldorith

"Kachow"


Hi-Tech_Low-Life

Thunder comes after lightning


tea_bagicuss

I would say this immediately after sex, and then let a massive fart rip!


Odd_Improvement578

Just mutter "wow". My ex did that, and it always felt like he was more than satisfied. As for me, I'd roll over and just grunt, that man was amazing.


SpicyDaddyKyle

This but the Owen Wilson "wow."


197708156EQUJ5

This but the Daniel Stern in Home Alone 2 quote when he fell through the floor of the old brownstone, “Wow! What a hole”


king_ugly00

When I orgasm I make a shrieking scream like when Marv gets electrocuted in Home Alone 2


Artsy_Geekette

I cannot unhear or not imagine this now. I also thought it was just "Home Alone." Anyways, laughing made my stitches hurt and I'm okay with it!


shortfriday

A girl once said “I really needed that” to me afterward before collapsing on me and passing out. Older me understands that this absolutely doesn’t mean that I was a rock star that night, but damn if it didn’t stick with me.


ThickGreen

You gave her what she needed. I’d take that as a win


locotxwork

You satisfied her needs and didn't let her down. I'd take that as a win.


monkeber

You didn't give her up and you didn't let her down. I'd take that as a win.


ShelSilverstain

I had a girl say "that was a real mind scrambler" This happened 25 years ago and I still puff my chest thinking about it


stainedhands

I had a girl tell me that I made her forget how to form words for a few minutes because it was so intense. Same feeling any time I think about it. Lol.


maethlin

I had a girl say "Marry me" afterwards with a huge smile on her face... she wasn't serious, but I'll never forget that moment.


adityaneer

So did ya marry??


maethlin

No... she was wonderful and warm and beautiful, and I'm still friends with her, but back then she was really super-flaky and non-committal, could not see building a future with her together. I still have moments where I wonder what that life would have looked like, but I'm happily married now and don't have many regrets about how life turned out.


MsRatbag

Said this to the hubby a couple weeks ago ... Lol glad to know it must give him a boost when he remembers it hahaha


Yisuscrais69

That’s still a W my friend, we take those.


Late_Knight_Fox

The real answer is "ive had better". [Brushing teeth] "Ive had better... huh"


Pm-ur-butt

[Reflects on saying "I've had better" while waiting for the elevator] 😅 smh


Alternative-Rain-718

Can you complete an online survey?


bobjoylove

“How did we do? Click here to give feedback. Powered by Qualtronics”


polskidankmemer

>Powered by Qualtronics Qualtrics*


Hugh_manateerian

I’m sorry


CaptainMcBoogerJew

That's what I say when I wake up in bed with a woman


InvestmentDependent

That's what i say when I wake up


tyrom22

That’s just what I say … sorry Edit: I am not Canadian, I’m just a mistake of a human being and need to apologize for it


Sir_Mister_Bones

On a scale of 1 to 10 how likely are you to recommend my services to a friend?


bewildered_forks

Ten. I really hate my friends.


Cain_Soren

You fucking killed him dude


leggingsloverguy

Killed him… damn near rectum.


ilovedtransyIvania

“Good Game” edit: thank you everyone,i’ll be here all week.


lipov27

GG Ez. No re.


lucivaryas

*"Sorry bro, can't talk yet, she's in gulag"*


MerKuryM8

When she says "No re" :'(


jbp84

My wife and I say this to each other. We’ve also started coming up with new and different things to make each other laugh. My favorite so far is to gently whisper in her ear “I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”


HatchetXL

Lol this is great, ima use this the next time I get laid.


Turtle887853

So... Should we start taking bets on who dies before you say this?


sniperkingcjd

my soul


cake_swindler

Me and the hubs like to do this to. Definitely the best so far was right during his orgasm I yelled "There she blows!" 😂


pueblogreenchile

I watched A Mighty Wind last night and I can't help but hear this in Fred Willard's voice. Hey Wha Happened?


zexur

Followed by a friendly slap on the ass!


Deus-Ex-Processus

Which should be followed by a "good job"


tacocatfish

Im still stuck in the dryer.


DrNick2012

If you're the lone firefighter in a small town and your step sister gets stuck on the dryer you must face an existential crisis


[deleted]

"Stop messing with step-dryer"


jinglesbobingles

Once I went to shake my boyfriends hand and he looked at me confused and said "No, I will not shake your hand." ​ :(


ShoelaceLicker

He probably wasn't ready for hand holding yet


ironudder

Didn't want to get her pregnant


Redshift_7

No glove, no love.


carlbandit

Should have gone for a fist bump


Plankyz

“gg”


JehovahsNutsac

Huh, works on multiple levels: - Good Girl - Good Guy - Good Game


saxlax10

Good 'Gasm


themark504

Good god


kwazykatlady

This is what I came here to say. Me and my girl say “good game” then smack each other on the ass


on_dy

Yeah, he was probably just social distancing.


PIDthePID

I’m down for the post-coitus handshake. Aside from being hilarious, it seems like a real go-team kind of move, like you accomplished something together.


NotAllOwled

"Good meeting."


itwasquiteawhileago

Beats all the other meetings I'm on all day, every day.


enriqed

My GF rejected my high five. : (


lou_kevins

Haha unlucky my GF rejected the sex but accepted the high five


devils_advocaat

Steve Holt \o/


Ganglere

My Wife and I regularly high five after if we've both finished.


vivalabaroo

I say “nice work team!” And then smack his naked butt


ethnicbonsai

Nothing. Be in the moment. My wife and I usually just cuddle.


saor-alba-gu-brath

Oh I love this answer. We just sigh and stare at each other, it's like a state of eternal bliss and comfort.


Lachigan

This is going to be buried but I do have an awnser for this, overheard from a neighbor. Girl invited guy over for sex, we have thin walls and we share a balcony so I could hear them going at it while smoking outside. Maybe 20-30 minutes later, I go to the bathroom and overhear them again, but they are arguing, apparently once the sex was done she expected him to leave, and she was kicking him out, which is when I heard the rare gem of a line that will forever stay in my head : "When you order pizza you don't eat with the delivery guy" So there it is, what you should say after sex. When you order pizza, you don't eat with the delivery guy. Get out.


Crepes_for_days3000

Oh my gosh, that must have been a dagger to that poor guys ego lol.


wallystreetbetter

You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here


chalmedtomeetyou

*shuts legs* *”cloooosing tiiiiiiime”*


Pomsan

Every new begiiiining comes from some other begininggggg *goodbye*


TheBurbs666

Well I can tell you what not to say. A redditor mentioned awhile back right after he quoted the movie Babe “That’ll do Pig, that’ll do” Edit : dang y’all ! Thanks for the gold ! Who knew a quick work poop comment would generate such joy.


dcconverter

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY


Salesopolis

Oh my God, haha. I said it to my husband, with the accent and everything. And his face... he seemed caught between bewildered and deeply amused. 10/10, would quote again


Harestius

Forgive me father for I have sinned


katie-kaboom

Once I dated a guy (for like two weeks) who would get on his knees after sex and "repent". It was supremely uncomfortable.


geedavey

Man, the sex must have been awesome if you put up with that shit for two weeks.


[deleted]

Say to him "Now youre the one on their knees"


ScarcityOk6576

"Since you're already there, how about cleaning up the mess you made?"


[deleted]

You should’ve knighted him


mombawamba

I had an old lay who was wild and fun and she used to say, "atta boy, sailor!" And extend her hand for a high 5. That was oddly cathartic, while very silly. Now with my wife it is, *I love you*


SummoningDragon

I read this 5 times thinking you said old lady


eebik

It was only your comment that fixed it for me, thank you kind friend


sully9088

I'm a bit upset actually. I was enjoying the thought that OP was hooking up with a spunky old lady. Haha


zaulik

Same


tonybenwhite

Your comment actually ruined it for me, I was happy that lil ol grannies out there were getting some action. It was giving me hope that retirement won’t be so boring


ItsJustAnAdFor

I’m imagining her saying it in a British accent for some reason.


K-Dub2020

Cockney


Screamatmyass

Cor blimey that was some good rogerin' an' no mistake. Cheerio!


Zetawilky

Have you heard about Raid Shadow Legends?


neitherhanded

Nah, I prefer to pause midway through for the unskippable raid shadow legends ad


Maanavdv

*oh go harder baby* *you know what gets harder to find? A good game. Thats where Raid shadow legends cums in*


[deleted]

[удалено]


teh_wad

lol I'm seeing someone who always says thank you as she reaches orgasm. It threw me off at first, but it's always nice to thanked for a job well done. Haha.


HatchetXL

Just dont pat him on the head when you say it


rayjaymor85

but then how do I know if I've been a good boy?


bobjoylove

Snacks.


TheAnimatedBlueBear

My wife will be home any minute Tom, get the fuck out.


theblackbobsaget

You said we could cuddle!


Daikataro

And you said you were a grower.


rztan

Yeah, it grew half inch!!! Can't you see that?!


Mr_Walter_Sobchak

Mustache felt really good on my dick though, seriously though Tom we talked about this You got to get the fuck out of here now. Don't let me catch you whimpering.


electrickcheesecake

My fiancé and I high five each other and say ‘nice one’


MagicTriton

How much was it again?


jgrumiaux

Do you take Venmo?


kifac

Please send it as Friends and Family on PayPal


CaudatusSR

Wow edit: wow. such upvotes.


blyatseeker

Owen Wilson?


theblackbobsaget

We really are some classy folks here lol


FranklintheTMNT

Today OP learned the difference between "Seriously," and "[Serious]".


Veebee77

What's your name again?


HatchetXL

And who did I tell you I was?


dfsmitty0711

It's always good to be frank and earnest with women. In New York I'm Frank, in Chicago I'm Ernest. Edit: thanks for all the upvotes. In case anyone doesn't know, this is a slightly paraphrased version of a joke told by Samuel L. Jackson's character in The Long Kiss Goodnight.


Roxas13xx

“Thank you, that was amazing” might go a long way


frankkitteh

I JUST HAD SEX


dodexahedron

AND IT FELT SO GOOD


WilliAnne

A WOMAN LET ME PUT MY PENIS INSIDE HEERR


Easy_Kill

Chain? ✅ Turtleneck sweater? ✅


jtchoice

Perhaps I love you, or maybe that was amazing or something to that effect


johncharityspring

Some quotation marks would have helped with clarity on this one. I read it at first as a recommendation to say "Perhaps I love you."


nicocote

I would say it verbatim ​ >Perhaps I love you, or maybe that was amazing or something to that effect


SpawnSnow

I read it the same at first glance and had to give it the double take. Or "perhaps I love you or maybe that was just amazing"


locutusan

Could this be love? Or just great sex?


geedavey

Actually, that's a pretty heavy thing to say.


Apokolypze

As a married guy - "I love you" followed by a flop - and - cuddle maneuver. Probably also works for women, but am not one, so can't say for sure. Edit to be inclusive to all age groups, as my original statement could be misconstrued as disrespectful.


OfficeChairHero

"Wow...that was awesome. I love you. Can you hand me my water?" - every time.


Buggly_Jones

Food and drink after sex is important


the_timps

I always say beer me. Beer me that water. Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.


L4CE_

Lord beer me strength


Dreddmartyr13

A-a-a-Andy and the Tuna!


Elbradamontes

We have three empty water glasses on our bed shelf this very moment.


choff22

Mine is “don’t move, I’ll get you a towel”


crookedparadigm

The sex towel goes down first and get used for pat down after. I ain't got time to be washing sheets every time we fuck.


Whitworth

Yeh its usually 5 min of cuddling, a big sigh followed with " Iguess we should get back out there", me jumping in for quick shower, her peeing so she doesnt get a uti, unlocking our door and making sure the kids are still watching cartoons.


b-lincoln

This is us, the 50% of the time the youngest still cock blocks me by trying to open the door. I feel like the movie Gladiator when I put on cartoons, Are you not entertained?!


raznog

You gotta throw in that chores will start as soon as you are out. That way they are extra motivated to not bother you. Though this trick only works after about 5 or 6.


jcrewjr

Pro parenting move. "Mommy and daddy need a nap. After we wake up it's time to clean the house."


Never_Forget_94

That’s ingenious.


[deleted]

The former child in me is shaking their fist at you. But adult me is giving a standing ovation.


needs_more_zoidberg

Hmm. I didn't expect to find a major secret of the universe on Reddit this morning.


Worihor

Oh shit! Genius!


bigdumbthing

I think this is the kind of genius all horny, exhausted parents independently discover


brianbrianbrian

\**crawl into bed** "Shit, I kinda just want a nap now."


Curious_DoDo_88

Pretty accurate


BrightHands15

"Like a bantha"


w1987g

Didn't know they were so... furry


BigxBossx77

I thought these things smelled bad on the outside...


SlayerOfDougs

Boom goes the dynamite


Inhabitsthebed

Top notch intercourse m'lady alas the hormones have run their course and I now find you revolting, so if you wouldn't mind calling yourself a taxi you'll find change in the bowl by the front door. Cheerio.


Prism3Break3

I need to find a way to stop the hormones from running their course


Spiderman230

"Noice"


T1ghtyWh1tey

Nothing, normally too out of breath to speak, check your heart rate on your Fitbit, roll over and fall asleep.


theblackbobsaget

Hmm, does she say anything?


PhysicalPolicy6227

Are the cuffs still comfortable?


virgilreality

"Keep the change..."


ma2412

"... you filthy animal!"


iamyourpolla

Thank you, come again.


HypnoticVampiress

I usually say something like "ffffuck that was hot..."


Friendly_Crab

And she goes ‘uh.. yeah’


Jigsaw-Complex

I just smile, say "hello", and kiss them. Then depending on the time, it's either snack or meal time. lol


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

That's when you try to sell them your NFTs


Inayaarime

*Do you want to be your OWN boss?*


bcrain1990

Where am I, and why am I naked?


electricsugargiggles

I’m usually still wild-eyed and incoherent for a bit. We curl up together with my head on his chest and hold one another, with him kissing my forehead and stroking my hair and me playing with his chest hair and listening to his heart beat. If I’m still riding the waves of euphoria, I’ll say some WEIRD stream of consciousness stuff while I float back to earth lol. We’ll tell one another that we love each other and say sweet things, maybe drift off to sleep briefly before reluctantly getting out of bed (or kitchen floor, or wherever) to freshen up.


SirGingy

Lot of details, weirdly hot


[deleted]

Did you cum? I can eat pussy till you do. Sorry I was so quick, I usually don't last very long.


theblackbobsaget

Own it. Get them finger muscles flexing