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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We've been dating for 6 months. Back when we started dating she presented her ex as "her best friend", they talked on a daily basis and I didn't have a problem with it. However, last month I got to know (from another source) that they were in a FWB situation for a while, and only stopped when she started dating me. I told her that the situation me feel uncomfortable, and that she should had told me they were not just friends. I also made clear that I wasn't okay with them talking this much, nor meeting on a 1-1 basis. I felt that she had been lying all time long, and I'm currently considering breaking up with her -- even if she cuts ties with him. Mind you this girl asked me to unfollow certain girls on instagram because "it made her feel insecure", and is now accusing me of being controlling for asking her to put distance between this "friend" and her.


Johndavid19960

Talking from experience, I have just gone through a separation (together 5 years) same situation as yourself. We ended and a month later the best friend who disappeared throughout a relationship was back in the picture and they are now together! End it 100%


Bite_my_shiny

Yes this guy's scenario has happened to so many people. The second you break up, all those people she told you not to worry about is the one she's screwing all of a sudden


AestheticHum

Lmao yeah, my ex had this bsf (Tommy). She'd hang out with him more than me. She would post pictures of him with a heart. I told her I didnt feel comfortable with her being bsf with him. She said I was just overthinking. We broke up not so long ago, and her neighbors (who are my friends) told me they saw her going to an abandoned house with Tommy while holding hands.


reymrod

Going into an abandoned house with someone isn't exactly Jane Austen level romance. I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you.


AestheticHum

Oh no, I'm over her and my past with her. So the full story is this. Her friend and another guy went to her house and started making out. My ex and Tommy went to an abandoned house holding hands. (I'm sure they weren't just checking the place out). I guess the only thing that makes me think about my past is the thought if her cheating on me with him.


davidb1976

BSF?


AestheticHum

Best friend.


davidb1976

Cool, I’d always heard BFF for that. No idea that BSF existed.


Viiibrations

Yep something similar happened to me. It was my ex's coworker that he always said reminded him of me and he wanted us to be good friends. We were actually friendly on social media and I liked her. I broke up with him for unrelated reasons and within days she blocked me and they were together lol.


StupidEditor

all too often this happens these days king


dontincludeme

Why are people so shitty


dani2020

Because they are repeating the cycle they're stuck in. They've done this before and they will do it again, because they haven't learned from their mistakes.


Necrotic69

Need to watch Battlestar Galactica to learn about cycles


pssiraj

I watch the Tour de France


BiliousGreen

Because we live a culture where selfishness and hedonism are the norm, and values like honor and fidelity are regarded as anachronistic.


theskipster

> Mind you this girl asked me to unfollow certain girls on instagram because "it made her feel insecure", and is now accusing me of being controlling for asking her to put distance between this "friend" and her. This almost always happens because of projection. She believes that your thoughts and behaviors will be the same as hers. Time to cut this chick lose or at least stop taking her seriously and just have fun with her.


Alliegibs

A thief thinks everyone steals


shadoxalon

This. She's worried that you're hiding past sexual partners and staying in secret communication with them because *that's what she does.* When people who lack mature empathy try to apply motive to another person's actions, they use their own personal logical framework as the template. If she was looking at Instagram dudes, it would be to hide them from you. Ergo, that's why you were doing it. She's accidentally telling on herself. Now, how these people maintain the cognitive dissonance of "The thing I think my partner is doing is bad," and "I think my partner is doing this because it is what I'm doing" baffles me. Gotta finish the math problem, people!


Thicc-Razzmatazz

This big time. I don't think I could trust her even if she wasn't doing anything. That's a massive lie to tell and honesty and communication are what makes relationships work.


BdB_Clares

This is best description of what this guy could do.


DietDoubleDewPlus

I was all ready to defend the friendship, saying that the friend isn’t the issue; that the issue is either his girlfriend lying or OP being insecure. Then I saw what you quoted, and I’m inclined to agree that the hypocrisy comes from a good old fashioned dose of projection. She doesn’t want to lose her own access, but she assumes OP acts the same way and doesn’t want him looking at others outside the relationship too.


doobiehunter

This! She’s worried because she knows you could get away with it. How does she know? Cause she’s currently getting away with it lol.


tealsteel123

Agree. If she makes OP unfollow girls who he presumably doesn’t hang out with or communicate with regularly, OP’s request shouldn’t be unreasonable to her.


Sappyliving

Yes, she is manipulative and will likely cheat. The most jealous ones are the ones who are dishonest. They think everyone is like them. Time to dump the chick


Ryrynz

Likely? Aren't many or maybe any guys that see an ex every day without getting something out of it. Chances are high she's giving that boy favors.


Cynderelly

This response really annoys the hell out of me sometimes but I see it *all* the time. No, this doesn't happen "almost always" because of projection. It *sometimes* happens because of projection. Others have either been raised in a way that makes them way too insecure, have been in an abusive relationship where the ex-SO constantly compared them to "hotter" people, or they've been cheated on multiple times. **All of these reasons are equally as possible as projection**. That said, in OP's case you're probably right this time.


wiseguy2235

Never a good idea to be still talking to people you had sex with, if you're in another relationship.


JibberJabberwocky89

I can't agree with this, out of personal experience. I was in a fwb relationship with someone for a couple of years. That ended, but we stayed friends. He has been my best friend for 20 years, but our fwb relationship ended 18 years ago. That ship has long since sailed, and he and I will never have a sexual relationship again, but I can't imagine not having him in my life.


gooderj

Exactly. I don’t speak to a single one of my exes. I’ve got a few on Facebook and we wish each other happy birthday. That’s it. Even women that I was really close to before I got married, I distanced myself a bit. I would never cheat on my wife, but I don’t want to be in an awkward position in the first place.


[deleted]

Let alone hanging out with them alone. The sexual attraction has already been established all it takes is “the heat of the moment” and the male “bestie” is balls deep in your girlfriend again smh


Ryrynz

Yeah I don't care if I trust them, alone with them? Nah you're gone. Instant cut.


danireeseetc

I think remaining friends is fine, but being "best friends" and talking on a regular basis is something different.


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badbudha

I would tell her if it's ok for her to have an emergency dick under glass then it's ok for OP to have some vajayjay waiting in the wings...


MemphLuv

I like that but I’m such an asshole, I would just be outta there. No contact. No time for people that move like that. All these sensible people out here.


badbudha

Oh I would do the same irl. I have no patience for assholes like OPs girlfriend. Irl I would probably tell her to piss off and have a nice life. Don't call, don't text, please forget my name...


Electronic_Range_982

I wish I coulda given that like 10.upvote


badbudha

The dick under glass comes from Chris Rock stand up where he's referring to the girlfreinds male freind as a dick under glass, just in case of emergency. 🤣🤣🤣


Sub_Zero_Fks_Given

Curtains. Waiting behind the curtains ;)


badbudha

Thank you ashthechache for the silver!


clumplings2

>Mind you this girl asked me to unfollow certain girls on instagram because "it made her feel insecure", and is now accusing me of being controlling for asking her to put distance between this "friend" and her. ..... Until this part, I thought it could be a learning experience for her if you do not break up with her. This makes it an easy decision


[deleted]

There's no coming back from that. Not only did she lie, but she maintained the lie while parading around a person she had sex with right in front of your face for SIX MONTHS. Those are not the actions of someone who actually cares about you. *Ignorance might be bliss, but it's better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.*


Corruption_Inc

Yeah this is the the post right here... And to add on to that she's an asshole for calling you controlling after making you unfollow girls you WEREN'T seeing and HAVEN'T been having sex with. I think we know who the controlling one in the relationship. Just know this. Regardless of what she or anyone else says, you've done nothing wrong. And given the circumstances, I believe your requests that she cut ties with this person are very reasonable.


ConcussionsOfAParot

Truth is beautiful. ❤️


dammitnicole

Completely unrelated to this post but that quote perfectly explains how I’ve been feeling reading the news lately


yepstillmee

You mean ex gf, right?


quahaug1945

This, 1,000,000 times this.


ConcussionsOfAParot

lol she's inviting games to be played. Let her. And go looking for your next.


1threadkiller1

I think you should go ahead and end things tbh. You don’t present a situation with much hope of becoming healthy and trusting. If you want a fling/casual, sure. If you’re wanting to build partnership, that foundation is likely already ruined. She knowingly deceived you to protect what she obviously considers an important friendship. Cutting that off leaves little room for resentment not to build. On top of you now needing to be relationship warden checking periodically to ensure you’re not being lied to again about him. Not to mention the cascading doubts that will come with any other situation that requires trust. As you’ve been shown clearly none should be extended to this person who is a verified deceiver. I’m sure it’s easier to say than do, but 6 months in you should simply break up and walk away imo.


affectiongirl

I second this.


Famous-Ad2268

I agree it's probably better to end it now because she will definitely find ways to sneak a text in or a call in later down the line when yall came to an agreement to cut that person off... I kinda went through the same thing.. 2 years together and she cheated on me with someone she claimed was just a friend and I didn't have to worry about (after I found some texts and she "cut him off") she found a way to keep in contact and snuck away and cheated.. end it now before you start getting more attached


iamcurlsx

Dump her 😁


Patte_Blanche

I don't think a healthy relationship can be build when someone ask you to unfollow people on social media. If you add the secret, it doesn't seem your relationship is as deep as you think. It's not necessarily a bad thing but you shouldn't emotionally invest yourself too much in it.


[deleted]

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bAkedbeAnmAster

If you can’t be emotionally invested in a relationship then there’s not really a point in continuing it, is there? So is he just meant to stay with her and get his feelings hurt because that’s what’s going to happen eventually?


the_last_basselope

She's a lying hypocrite and that won't change. Dump her.


bigrottentuna

It's not controlling to break up with someone for lying to you. It's time to let this one go.


Celtics2312345

Dawg, I just Read the first 2 lines and I made my mind up, personally I wouldn’t have even give her the time to even begin with. That is just asking for trouble.


neverseektotell

I’m very much pro staying friends with exes. I am NOT pro lying to your partner’s face. That’s gross. Don’t stay with someone who has no problems doing that.


Yummy-Tacos

She's just showing you how good she is at mental gymnastics! She's a liar. She's also projecting her own controlling behavior on you.


straightfacts2022

Yeah, get out of there my dude.


narwhalbattles

Honestly. She already lied to you about him. What else has she lied about? If she was upfront and honest with you my advise would be different BUT she already has proven you cant trust her. I'm also pretty sure you never did anything with those girls on Instagram, unlike her and her "friend". I agree with everyone else here and you just need to say good bye and move on. Before you get hurt because you probably will get hurt in a future relationship with her.


Rifter0876

I'd break up, she's obviously still banging buddy or there would be no need to lie about it.


reiddollar

Hasta la vista, baby.


nsnfldal

Walk away. Don't even waste breath on an argument. She already stated all you need to know. Walk away, head held high.


MenaceGrande

For all those preparing to say it’s possible they never did anything behind his back together... after six months there was never ONE moment they thought “fuck it”? that’s a long time to maintain sexual tension, especially after knowing they have had it before, no doubt. And there was a reason she hid the truth. It’s a shame you can’t get your 6 months back but don’t waste another second of your life.


[deleted]

The double standard (you being told to delete ppl on ig but her not understanding your discomfort) is a very big problem and alludes to other issues down the road. Transparency is key and what she did is not okay. It doesn't mean she is a bad person, it probably just means you both have different ways of thinking and probably aren't meant for each other. Some things in a relationship need to be taught and grow together, but hypocrisy and double standards are a no-go imo


OverallAssociate6

I was in a similar situation, tho it took me longer than 6 months to realize what was going on. 5 years actually lmao. Once I figured what was going on i ended it and moved on, it was tough the first few weeks but man it was the best thing that I could of done. I’ve never been happier in my life i meet a beautiful girl who’s completely opposite of my ex and things are going great between us. I won’t tell you what to do but whatever your choice is stick with it and see it through my friend.


182NoStyle

If she told you from the start then you would have had a decision to start a relationship with her based on that info. She withheld that from you, from my perspective that is enough to ummm what would they say nowadays "Yeet the fuck out of there" and I would do just that. She shows no remorse for lying and she is a huge fucking hypocrite. One word **narcissist**.


dhffxiv

Being fwb before hand... hanging out 1 on 1 often. Yeah I think these 2 have been banging the entire time you have been together.


animatedgifted

Where are you getting this from? I've been single and been close with male friends, some near 10 years since we last fucked. And guess what? Never fucked again... Why do you automatically assume this


SalsaRice

Did you lie to SO's about those exes though? Because OP's GF has been lying about her history and relationship with this ex constantly..... she's shown her word is not trustworthy.


animatedgifted

I don't agree with all of it and I don't know her so I don't know if she's a massive lying cheat but I absolutely don't think any of these things have to = the other. Like i said I myself can say for a fact one doesn't mean the other comes immediately alongside it.


dhffxiv

If you read everything you would realise that she only stopped fwb after starting to date Op. Not 10 years.


LearnsFromExperience

I'm taking odds on which of you is the side piece.


BuckersAZ

I want in on that action! I'd say it's OP to her, but she's the side piece to the other dude.


tercer78

This isn’t going to work. Relationship doesn’t have trust and there is poor communication. Too weak a foundation. You’re not wrong.


ilikemoozic

I had a similar situation, i was made delete EVERY girl from my instagram, she sent me screenshots of pics I'd liked from other girls. And of course i was very understanding and i did as requested for her benefit. Then there was a guy that had text her and who'd she'd never mentioned as a friend or from work. Turns out he was a work colleague who she had a fwb thing with too. So when i was asked if it was finished and what's the level of relationship between them, she said he makes flirty or sexual.comments in work and they sit right beside each other. I told her it was a bit jarring and was a bit put out by it. She said that i was displaying a red flag and ended things with me, saying i had the problem. She was on tinder within 2 weeks.


Ryrynz

" Mind you this girl asked me to unfollow certain girls on instagram because "it made her feel insecure", and is now accusing me of being controlling for asking her to put distance between this "friend" and her. " This is the kicker for me, double standards. Won't give you advice but I'd nope her out of my life if I was in the same position.


bearded_guy666

Not cool, she had you unfollow girls but you ask to cut hanging out with a guy she slept with and your controlling. I do not think she knows the definition of that word controlling. Well you can re-follow them girls and when she says something they like you're still hanging out with a guy you slept with or be tell her to hit the road. Relationship is 50/50 she wants her cake and eat it too but wants you to be your b****. If you allow this now you'll have to allow it the whole time you guys are together. Get rid of her.


VerminHTX

I’m not sure I could personally get over this. I can’t speak for you, but if this was ME, I think I would sever ties. In my shitty experience with cheaters, she was definitely projecting with the unfollowing demands, and is just keeping her lil “bestie” in the wings. You deserve better man.


Sebas-L

So, I was in a two years relationship with a girl that reminds me a LOT of yours 'cause she did the same to me... From a very personal standpoint, I'd recommend you run away from that. If she's like my ex was, she'll keep flirting, not only with him, but with whomever, and then lie to you about it. You already can't trust her, so don't push this any longer. But that's just me, 'cause I really have the trauma from my past relationship. Read other people's opinions and then run away.


patrickdgd

This same situation happened to me in a previous relationship. I am telling you, bail now. She is going to continue to lie to you and manipulate you.


teawithnomilk

I don’t necessarily see a problem with her being friends with someone she’s had sex with in the past (my long-term boyfriend and I both still talk to past hookups), but the BIG red flag is the fact that she lied about it. Get out!!


Js_On_My_Yeet

Cut her loose. She's living by a double standard and with insecurities. Not fair to you at all. Speaking from experience. Drop her and find somebody who won't hide shit like that from you.


Unorthodox__x

Not trying to make things worse but she’s probably been fucking him too. Brought him around you & lied about being a friend. Talks to him daily and meet up 1:1. Telling you to unfollow certain people & controlling things to make sure you don’t cheat. Yeeeaaahhh I dealt with a lady last year exactly like that and I don’t even have a number on how many people she cheated on me with. I just know she did. There’s no conversation to be had. Just end it. The fact that she lied about a “friend” and you only found out by someone else is enough. It’s only gonna get worse if you stay


photoguy8008

Ugh, people need to learn that having a boundary and being controlling are two DIFFERENT THINGS! I can say...I’m not comfortable with you doing xyz, please don’t, it’s a deal breaker for me. That’s a boundary. Vs. you are NOT allowed to go to the gym because I get jealous of the other guys there. So do not go or else. Controlling.


hardbeat101

Projecting like she's a cinema. Except the only movie they play is "Red Flags". If she's accusing you of the behaviour, its because she expects you're going about your business with the same thought processes she does. Dump it my guy.


[deleted]

She’s a liar and a hypocrite. Send her to the streets.


_ScubaDiver

As others have said, I don't think that's a sustainable relationship. It seems likely there will always be the suspension that if she lied once what's to stop her lying again, or lying about other things. Get out of there, and find someone better.


[deleted]

Look dude, been in a very similar situation. Wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her. Turns out she had another “secret best Friend” who I didn’t even existed. Tried making things work after she was begging. She even took us to a couples therapist so I would gain trust in her again. As you would guess, she left me for the secret friend and they quickly got married and moved to Oklahoma together. You are setting yourself up for a lot of pain my friend. Do yourself a favor and cash out while your ahead. She will beg for you to work things out, by no means do you give this girl another chance. If she wants to be around for you bang then that’s her decision but do not take this file seriously


Filling_Graves

Peace that chick out.


[deleted]

>this girl asked me to unfollow certain girls on instagram because "it made her feel insecure" > > > >she presented her ex as "her best friend", they talked on a daily basis What a hypocritical bitch lmfao.


Knittingfairy09113

Time to be done. I absolutely believe it can be possible to be friends with exes however I was always up front about it. She lied, acted in a hypocritical manner, and is now playing the victim. None of that is healthy or is behaving with integrity.


crystallz2000

Break up with her. Lying is not normal. You're six months in and she's lied to you every time she didn't tell you the truth. And if she so easily lied about this, I'm sure it's not the only thing.


H-tothe-OV

GTFO! The hypocrisy of that girl. She is probable still effing him! Leave her.


D0ntTru3tAny1

Leave, it’s a horrid situation to be in, relationships aren’t built on lies. Ever.


[deleted]

Time to ask yourself OP, is this behavior found in a viable LTR partner? In her mind it’s okay for her to keep option B on hold and spend time with him and talk with him every day AND lie to you about their history, but it’s not okay to follow certain girls on IG??? Op you need to consider where your priorities are. If you want an immature girl to fuck with and be silly you found her. If you want a real woman it’s time to man up and tell her to fuck off and look elsewhere. Either way remember that she treats you poorly.


[deleted]

It doesn’t seem like a level playing field when you can’t do certain things that are much more innocent and she can do what she’s been doing and lie to you


lilsauros

Tbh I'd break up with her and just bang her this is gonna lead down a path of many more issues down the road for both of you and it's better it's better ok find a chick who's serious and doesnt have that "one friend"


niikobellik

run forrest, ruunn!!


Repulsive-Midnight-3

Dump her. Otherwise you will continually feel disrespected, and she will gaslight you when you stand up for yourself. “He is just my friend..I don’t understand why you get so jealous..”..”why are you making a big deal out of this?” etc...


semnotimos

Cut her loose. She rationalized downplaying the nature of their past relationship "because you would overreact" classic cheater behavior/rationalization that always lead to more deception and infidelity


TearDelicious

Biz Markie said it best '*don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend'*


[deleted]

So, my ex behaved almost exactly like this. In the end she ended up cheating on me. I won't tell you what to do but I hope you get out the other end without the trauma I went through. If I had to do it over with my girlfriend my absolute minimum requirement would be for her to cut ties with that guy. Good luck man :)


[deleted]

The dude she was FWB with is almost certainly out of her league and OP is her coping mechanism. Very strong chance she's still letting her friend smash or at the very least he's still stringing her along and he's coaxing nudes out of her.


FatdongGweneth420

I've seen people desperately accuse their partner of being unfaithful, and go through everything that they have only to find out their partner was being faithful. It comes out later though that the accusatory partner was actually the one cheating because when your doing something wrong you feel guilty. The guilt makes you believe that the other person has to be doing something wrong too, if you would. It's projecting, And her requiring that you unfollow girls on Instagram, then getting mad that you want her to stop talking to her fuck buddy says a lot about her as a person. It also says a lot about you that you were willing to do it for her. Now you're controlling because you want the same respect you gave??? Never before on one of these posts have I felt so strongly about you leaving your partner, usually I'm trying to see if there's a middle ground or i could offer advice; However this girl is very toxic. I am seeing that she is Making you out to be the bad guy So she doesn't feel bad for what she's doing. Blame shifting, gaslighting, emotional cheating.. too many red flags. It sounds like she's saying "You have to let me do what I want or else you're a controlling psycho and you're not allowed to do what I do because it would make me feel uncomfortable." Break up with her. She is not over her ex, She will not change for you, and will manipulate you over and over until you're crazy. GET. OUT.


Silverback_Harambe

She started the relationship by lying(lie by ommision) and now she's accusing you for rightfully calling her out on her BS. She is manipulating the entire situation(sounds like a keeper doesn't she?). You should dump her, or if she's really really hot at the very least downgrade her to a friends with benefits. She gave it to the other guy for free so WHY ARE YOU PAYING FOR IT? Break up with her and find yourself a couple of other girls to help you get over her. P.S Buy Silver stop spending money on a lier.


ClayRobert

Get out man.


Stripper7926

I would never be with a girl who keeps her past around


[deleted]

This is a dumping situation. Lied from the beginning. Paranoid about your life. Accusing you of being controlling given that she's actually been sleeping with him. Why waste your time?


christien62

Red flag run away


ThrowRApers0n

Something very very similar to this happened to me. She ended up leaving me for my friend and effectively cutting me out from my friendgroup. Dodge this bullet now, or you'll get hurt real bad from the impact!


PayasoFries

Yeah the whole scenario where she asks you to cut ppl off but hid this is an awful sign. 6 months isn't that long of a relationship and in my opinion it might be time to take it a little less seriously with her (such as fwb) or just move on. She should've made things clear immediately as a basic human courtesy. It's even more concerning bc she's trying to control who you talk to while having all her freedom..... pretty selfish honestly


Puzzleheaded_Row_614

She’s for the streets brah cut your feels out and keep the ass or cut her loose either way you win king on to the next one


ShadoOwEd

She built and started the relationship on a lie. It was over before it began. It’s time to go.


Cornicemansolo

1st. I’ve had several FWB that I’m still friends with and we don’t even flirt, sport sex can be just that. Just wanted to get that out. B: you have to leave her because you will trust her again. 3rd: you already know this. Thanks for listening.


Flopping_Weiners

He's clapping dem cheeks when they meet up no doubt.


sblake12816

Unpopular opinion but there’s a reason why she’s dating you & had a “FWB” with the guy. She was probably lonely, just wanted some attention & hookups with a guy who she trusted and felt comfortable with. And then you came along, and she finally actually had someone. She probably didn’t tell you because she didn’t even want to accept that it existed since she actually found someone that’s real. The only thing that’s not really okay is the texting everyday - she needs to stop that.


NotYourTypicalChad78

**Cut and run, dude.** Odds are there have been more benefits going on this whole time, especially with the one on one time they were getting. Nothing she can say or do can prove she hasn't been cheating, **AND SHE IS A HYPOCRITE BY MAKING YOU DROP YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS.** Manipulation, gas lighting, projection(she's most likely been cheating the whole time), and has been deceptive about their past...that makes her at the very least a LYING BY OMISSION. She didn't admit it. You had to find out from someone else. If her friendship with a "former"(yeah, right) FWB is more important than your peace of mind/your RELATIONSHIP AND she is a hypocrite for making YOU delete/block other women out of your life, you just need to dump her...and **if you have been foolish enough to have sex with her unprotected you should go get an STD test. No telling how many other things she's hiding from you.**


StinkyKittyBreath

You're controlling because you're uncomfortable with her hanging out alone with somebody who she's had sex with, but she's not controlling telling you to unfollow women on IG that you (probably) don't even know? Uh. Sure. Okay. She isn't worth the trouble.


calmgiant

Thank God this happened 6 months in and not 5 years in. Cut ties, bruh. It's still early.


stargi_rl

You didn’t exist in her world before this so how can you blame her? Move on or get over it


[deleted]

I never understood the concept of not allowing your partner to be friends with certain people. If they're gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. Limiting who they're allowed to hang out with isn't going to change that. Not trusting your partner isn't going to make them more trustworthy. I honestly don't even understand dating someone seriously if you don't think you can trust them. Seems pointless.


EratosvOnKrete

holy shit that sounds like my ex. heads up, she's probably gonna fuck him when yall argue


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esotericunicornz

okay so i'll voice what seems like a surprisingly contrarian opinion... she's with you because she wants you, not him. if she wanted to be with him instead and he was a "threat" to you... she'd be with him instead. if you feel you can trust her, deep down in your gut, then go with that feeling. if you can't trust her deep down, then sure, end it. but don't let your anxiety and insecurity make the decision for you. i've done that before and i regretted it.


reddit4946

But I don't think, IMO at least, that this man is a "threat" specifically. She's just very likely still fucking him and/or would immediately do it if there was any trouble with OP.


esotericunicornz

Whether they fuck at sign of trouble with OP is simply noise to me, it doesn’t really mean anything IMO. She could go fuck a rando or fuck a friend if they break up, what does that matter? Again, to me it comes down to whether or not these people understand trust or not (re: currently fucking or not). They certainly need to begin being totally honest about everything though.


CompetitiveNovel1

She knew what she was doing was wrong so she tried to control your actions. Just cut your losses. You won't be able to trust her anymore. Find someone who won't lie to you.


Embrasse-moi

Hoping soon that you break up with her. That is not a good sign tbh, in any relationship, when someone conceals such info to their significant other. Also, the fact that she makes you unfollow certain girls on social media means she has little to no trust in you and in the relationship. Leave while it's still early.


villainized

The last 3 lines of your post are concerning. I'd say end it, if not that situation is going to come to a head soon.


Opaquelace5089

NTA you’ve only been together 6 months. I wouldn’t bother investing any more time in this relationship. She kept the exact nature of her relationship with her friend from you for a reason.


SJWStevens

My ex did exactly this to me and it turned out she'd been fucking him the entire time. Break it off mate. It is NOT worth it.


Tricky-Share5481

I would never date someone who is friends with someone they had a relationship with. A dealbreaker. Even more so if they're "best-friends."


fall8n1

So you know she has not been honest and you know she values spending time with her "ex" over making you uncomfortable. For the record you are reasonable to ask your gf to not hang out 1 on 1 with guys she has fucked. Not sure why you haven't dumped her ass. You are never gonna trust her again.


legalgus

Just get out. 6 months is enough with a lying, controlling bitch.


quahaug1945

End this; the woman is patently dishonest. Sorry.


[deleted]

Get out man, she is trying to gaslight you


VagabondOfYore

That's not gaslighting, that's straight up lying/withholding the truth. Which is bad enough.


[deleted]

Might be time to just call it a day on this one unless the relationship is currently good. I don't think she should have had to cut this person out if they were genuinely friends but she should have been truthful about it. Also she shouldn't have asked you to unfollow people in this same situation.


jeslblan

Um, I thought we told Felicia bye.


RedPorscheKilla

Hi OP, RED FLAG ALERT, people who insist of you to cut ties to the "other gender" are bullets, which will hurt you, it's just a matter of time. Her lying, yes omitting the truth is lying regardless, is a big thing. My advise? Walk and dodge that bullet, she will be pain, lots of pain. All the best for you!


SadAcanthisitta7161

Shake that hoe brother


Jtloven

Seriously run dude. Sounds way to close to high-school bs.


borntobeblunt

Dude man I've been there cut her off kick her out move on this is what they call a straight up manipulation I would also let the friend with benefits know you know and you aren't to happy with his existence


Kalistagrey3

You deserve better, I’d say break up with her and you’ll find someone who sees the same way as you do. I was in the same thing with my last relationship, he cheated on me because of it, would always stay close and be friends with his “friends” (who he really had a thing with) but I could never hang out with any friends that made him uncomfortable


Fordo88

I would break up with her, wouldn’t even question it. Not only was she dishonest with you she is now accusing you of being wrong (controlling) because of it. She lied and she’s now gaslighting you and that’s ignoring that she made you unfollow people. That’s not a great combo and should be a MAJOR red flag. Straight that crown king and kick her to the curb. You deserve better than that.


CtrlAltDestroy33

Yeah no. Be like Elsa and let her go.


Wiyyan

Cut her loose. 1. She is projecting her own insecurities onto you with the whole Instagram issue 2. She is not willing (yet) to cut ties with someone who she a.) lied about and b.) used to sleep with 3. She isn't willing to compromise despite being the controlling party in the relationship. I would cut ties, move on and be thankful you found this out sooner rather than later.


animatedgifted

just like to make this very clear. IF SOMEONE DOES NOT CHEAT AND HAS NEVER CHEATED THEY ARE NOT GOING TO CHEAT WITH ANYONE, ex dick mate or not . Everyone in these comments is pissing me off with this bull about "she's probably going to cheat". I have never cheated and do not see the point in even trying, I close off relationships if I think there's any possibility of wanting someone else. I have a few friends who started off romantically but they weren't supposed to be and so ended up really good mates, through trial and error. An awful lot of women are like this and no longer want to fuck these friends. There is a reason these people are friends. If your girlfriend is the cheating kind then she will cheat on you with whomever is attractive and shows interest. Thinking that a womans friend is a piece of dick waiting by the side is a disgusting way to talk and think about people with depth and feelings. Not all men are incapable of friendship with women. A lot of these comments by men about men, show how little faith you have in one another


panicky_goblin

id agree with you completely if it weren't for the fact that she told him to unfollow certain women for her own comfort months before this....did you miss that part???


onthebeach61

so basically you are dating a hypocrite and liar...not really good characters for a long term relationship...time to dump and run.


LucyLovesApples

Sounds like you both put her ex and your female friends behind you or you both break up because there’s no trust at all in each other


Dr4nus

Where do you think all the "me versus the guy she says not to worry about" memes come from?


Thick_Fudge5412

You should follow your gut... clearly something going on there... I was going to say double standards but it is a lot worse... Your relationship should be based on honesty, trust and transparency... it doesn’t look like that exists... so what kind of relationship do you have?


MarkEv75

If she cuts ties with him will you actually trust her? If not its time to end things. I feel like you have already made the decision to end it and your looking for reasons not to and I cant give you any.


[deleted]

2 big bright red flags - lying to you and then being upset when you tell her its making you uncomfortable. The first is a breaking your trust and the second is manipulation. Wont be the last time either for both.


Depressedaxolotls

Yeah I’d end it. I can’t imagine hurting my partner the way she has hurt you.


VickieLol64

The girls got to go..


elizamcteague

It sounds like your issue isn't with her having friends who are guys or even being alone with other guys, it's that she deceived you about THIS guy and that calls everything into question. I'd say your best bet is to walk away, and try not to carry any feelings of broken trust forward into any new relationships (though I know that can be hard). As other posters have said, the likelihood of increasing resentment/toxicity in a relationship with this girl going forward is just way too high at this point.


bbresney15

Bruh I literally went through the same exact thing this past year and felt the same exact way... she did not reciprocate however and fought to stay friends with this guy... it was the worst.. needless to say we are no longer dating as this was one of many complexities. Hope this helps good luck


bbresney15

@throwra_1995_


DocHickory

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She wants to have it both ways. That's a NO-GO situation. If she can't be exclusive to you then she has no right to expect you to be exclusive with her. If you both don't happily agree to terms, throw that guppy back in the pond. Who needs the drama and the grief?


Awkwardkobra

While I think it’s fine that she’s friends with her ex, I think the fact that she lied about their previous relationship shows that there’s a lack of trust in your relationship. While trust can be built it might be a bit too late.


kitty63snipe

Kick her to the curb.


story_time12

HELLO?


WriterAffectionate91

Just cut the ties man the emotional hold would prolly still be there


skyscan1

What a hypocrite! She asked you to remove certain females from your social media because they make her feel insecure but she meets one on one with a ex FWBs and calls you controlling. That is a huge difference in how she treats you and how you treat her. Not acceptable.


WhatsTheCraic96

I wouldnt be surprised if it turns out he wouldn't commit to her, so she found you. Dump her dishonest ass.


gidgetcocoa

No waste anymore of your time. Cut her loose.


OmgOgan

Dating for 6 months? Psh, cut this shit loose.


throwaway_simp_chick

Dump her. If she makes you unfollow people bc they make to insecure but talks to her ex she’s a pos. My ex did this and ultimately she still followed a lot of dudes. She’s gaslighting you and insecure. Find someone better. More confident in themselves


cylondsay

why are you looking to reddit for permission to dump her? you shouldn’t control who she’s allowed to be friends with, but she shouldn’t do that to you either. you both sound insecure and immature. time to move on and grow a little from this experience


Bite_my_shiny

Break up with her. She doesn't want you to talk to women while she can do whatever she wants? I call that double standards Such women are generally trouble. Ditch her before it hurts you even more


ElPapaGrande98

Send her to the dump where she belongs. If she's not willing to see your side of things, she's trash


zestful_villain

I vote no on this girl. You will second guess everything she says now as trust is already lost. This is not a way to have a meaningful relationship. The doubt will eat at you and makes you miserable. Good faith is everythibg dude. She aint have it.


Bepositive2021

Red Flag.. it's ok for her to be in contact with her ex, But she wants you to unfollow certain girls on instagram because it made her feel insecure. That's a bunch bull crap, she wants her way and only her way


MadameKittyLover

While woman do not have to disclose every sexual partner they have ever had it is a whole other thing to present your very recent fwb guy to your boy friend as your best friend. I have no doubt that she has/is/will cheat on you with him. Or at the very least when u dump her she'll go right back to him. I am also annoyed by her hypocrisy. She can keep her fling near by and hang with him constantly but op liking a girls instagram picture isnt ok? Smh


thecooliestone

Usually I would say to stop being jealous. But she was too. It's the hypocrisy for me. I understand it might be weird but honestly if you think she's the type of person that would cheat on you dump her anyway. But it's dumb to make you delete girls off insta when she is still hanging with dudes


BearGFR

People tend to accuse others of the very things that they themselves are either doing, or would do. At the very least, this is a problem that needs to be talked out and settled. It's a huge trust issue. It's up to you to decide if the relationship is 'valuable enough' to warrant that kind of effort.


thesnapening

My main issue here is the double standard. She asked you to not follow girls because it made her insecure but now she’s saying you asking a similar thing is controlling. I would break up with her which I know is the go to response on Reddit but 6 months in and she’s still in contact with a former sexual partner? Nope sorry that’s crossing a line to me.


LilAllen12

Leave plz


ajiscool4391

Get rid of her now!!


gatesong

I know that if I were you I would've had little to no problem with my partner being friends with an ex, as long as they'd been up front about it. Heck, my wife and I are both pretty close friends with former partners. But we communicate clearly, and trust each other. I'm not sure how anyone can come back from this kind of breach of trust.


FunaccJack

Yea she gotta go dude